Shattered
by goldenspringtime
Summary: Stiles has been missing for 4 months and then he is found, but he's not the same as he once was. Warnings: Torture, Abuse, PTSD, and eventual self-injury. May be triggering.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf

Summary: Stiles has been missing for 4 months and then he is found but he's not the same as he once was.

Warnings: Torture, abuse, some swearing.

Stiles was too quiet, way too quiet, it used to be that Scott would beg him sometimes to shut up so he could concentrate, but he would give anything for Stiles to be chatting his ear off now. Scott couldn't help but stare at him, he looked so different from when they had last seen each other. The normal vibrant and chatty teen was starring out his window completely still and silent. He was wearing Mr. Stilinski's coat and his pants since they found him.

No he didn't want to think about that room that Stiles had been in for 4 months. He couldn't seem to help it though, there had been no windows only a single light bulb that had been too far away from where Stiles had been chained to turn it on. No he wasn't going to think about the room anymore. Or the fact that the jacket and pants were hiding numerous scars.

The car stopped and Scott pulled his attention away from Stiles, they were here. Stiles gave no indication he realized where they were and just kept starring out his window. Scott got out of the car, and along with Mr. Stilinski made his way around to Stiles door. Mr, Stilinski opened it and Stiles still didn't even seem to realize that he was supposed to get out.

"Stiles." he said quietly, hoping to gain his attention but Stiles just kept on starring silently.

"Stiles." Mr. Stilinski said louder and Stiles still didn't seem to notice. Scott and Mr. Stilinski shared a short hopeless stare before turning back to Stiles.

"Stiles." Mr. Stilinski shouted and Stiles still didn't look away from where his eyes were. Scott put his hand on Stiles shoulder hoping some psychical contact would break whatever trance he was in. Stiles finally blinked and looked at them.

'Stiles we've got to go in." Stiles didn't say anything or nod but he did get himself out of the car and stood looking at the hospital impassively. It hurt Scott so much to see his friend like this, so unlike himself and he knew stealing a glance at his father that Mr. Stilinski felt that same way. Stiles started walking towards the hospital entrance and Scott and Mr. Stilinski followed him.

They went into the door and Scott's Mom was there to greet them, she knew they were coming they had called on the car ride over. She was looking at Stiles, she couldn't see the scars that were there or the bruises or broken bones but they were there. No he didn't want to think of how Stiles looked when they had found him, but his mind went back there anyways without his consent. The floor had been covered in dried blood, Stiles's dried blood. He was naked body covered only in bruises of various stages of healing. He hadn't looked away from the wall when they had come in.

No he couldn't think about that right now. His mother was leading Stiles and Mr. Stilinski away and he had to follow them, he had to be there for Stiles, who had always been there for him in the past even when he had been too far entranced with Alison to see it. They were lead into a room where his Mom gave Stiles a hospital gown and told him to change into it. Stiles starred at the hospital gown but there was no complaining no jokes.

"Do you need help?" Mr Stilinski asked. Stiles continued starring at the gown and Scott wondered whether or not they were going to have to continuing trying when Stiles shook his head. Mr. Stilinski left the room and Scott wanted to too but he had to ask.

"Do you want me to stay?" he felt horrible that he wanted the answer to be no so bad. Seeing the dried blood and bruises had been horrible the first time, he really didn't want to have to see them again. Stiles took a moment then shook his head again. Scott felt horrible about being grateful that Stiles didn't want him there and left the room.

Once he was out of the room he tried to concentrate on anything else. The way he felt so much pleasure at killing the men that had held Stiles captive, he should feel bad about that, but he didn't, he had a little bit until he had seen Stiles, although he knew they hadn't been good to Stiles ever since he had stepped foot in the house and smelt his blood.

"Scott." he jumped and looked at his mom who was looking at him concerned.

"Are you okay?" Scott laughed it wasn't a pleasant one.

"My best friend has been kidnapped for the last 4 months, he doesn't look or sound like himself." His mom handed him some scrub bottom which he looked at with confusion before remember he was in his boxers, having given Stiles his pants. He didn't feel embarrassed at all funnily enough ,but he took the pants from his mother, took off his shoes and put on the scrub bottoms and put his shoes back on, it gave him something else to focus on for a little bit which he was grateful for. A doctor went past them and headed into Stiles room. Scott starred at Stiles room, should he go in now? Support him through the examination? Mr. Stilinski seemed to think so, because he headed back into the room and Scott starred after him for a moment.

"Things will get better, after all he has you." a fat load that did him. He was a werewolf and it had still taken him 4 months to find him.

"Mom how can he ever be better after everything he's been through." Scott looked at her face and saw her scrambling to come up with an answer, which meant she didn't know any more then him.

Scott nodded then took a deep breath he should be in there with Stiles, be there for him because whatever he was feeling had to be only a fraction of what Stiles must be feeling. He walked into through the door and saw Stiles was in bed, though the blankets were only over his feet. The gown didn't cover his arms or legs and Scott tried to avoid looking at the bruises and the cuts and dried blood that covered the exposed limbs.

The doctor was touching him and although it had to hurt even though the doctor was doing in gingerly, Stiles didn't make a sound. What did those bastards do to him to make him this way! Scott immediately went over to Stiles and grabbed his hand. He didn't care that normally two boys, even ones who were best friends don't hold hands, he did care then Stiles didn't hold his hand back, in fact he seemed to have becoming lost again in the wall to his right. The doctor stopped touching him and looked at Mr. Stilinski.

"Well he's bruised up and several of the cuts are going to need stitches he seem to have two broken bones one his left leg and one in his right arm. Well need an X-ray to be sure." Mr. Stilinski nodded and Scott look down at Stiles, who hadn't looked away from the spot on the wall.

"I'll send someone up here to clean and stitch him, then we can x-ray him. You said you already processed him right?" Mr. Stilinski and Scott shared a look there had been no need they had killed the ones responsible for what had happened to Stiles. Mr. Stilinski just nodded.

"Alright then, someone will be here soon." the doctor said then left the room. Scott looked at Stiles, who still hadn't looked away from the spot on the wall he had been starring at for at least 5 minutes now. Scott grip on Stiles hand increased, but Stiles grip on Scott's hand was still exactly the same.

The nurse that walked in a few minutes later wasn't his mom. Scott wished it was, even though his Mom probably wasn't there because she might have a hard time stitching Stiles up. The nurse turned to them and asked.

"I'm going to have to clean and stitch him during part of which he'll be naked." Scott had seen Stiles naked before it wasn't something he particularly liked seeing, but he had seen it before. Of course naked he would see all of them again all the wounds. He could handle it, he nodded and a little bit after Mr. Stilinski did. She first took a wash cloth and ran it over his face, arms and legs removing the dried blood , dirt and whatever else was on his body. She set to cleaning up the cuts. She took out a needle.

"It'll numb him." She stuck him several time on his arms and legs. Scott watched Stiles face, he didn't look away from the wall the entire time, or even wince in pain. She took out a needle and started stitching him up. Scott was starting to feel sick, he had never felt sick of the sight of blood before or even someone hurt, but this was Stiles his best friend and he was being stitched up and he wasn't making a sound, he still hadn't even looked from the wall. She finished the last set of stitches then looked at Stiles with pity in her eyes.

"Honey I'm going to turn you onto your back. Is that okay?" Stiles didn't move still, the nurse gently rolled him onto his back, Scott's eyes started to water and his stomach started to roll. He hadn't seen his back in the house, too focused on the horror that was his front. He heard the nurses sharp intake of breath. His back was a mess there was what look like whip marks all across his back, many looked deep and very painful. And bruises too and other smaller cuts. He wanted to be there for Stiles ,but that's when his stomach choose to rebel. Scott rushed to the bathroom that was part of the hospital room and emptied his stomach's contents into the toilet. Just when he though he was done barfing another wave of nausea would hit him. There was a hand on his back he knew that hand anywhere.

"Mom, how's he supposed to be okay?" he asked again this time tears were making their way down his checks and he didn't even care to wipe them off. "He's broken and I don't how I'm supposed to fix him?"

"Scott it will take time, maybe even a lot of time but you'll be there for him every step of the way and that will make all the difference." he really wanted to believe her, believe that everything one day would be fine again that Stiles would get back to annoyingly talkative self but he wasn't sure if it could.

"The nurse is done cleaning and stitching him now. He'll be taken for an x-ray in a few minutes." Scott got up from the toilet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, he washed his hands in the sink next to the toilet and cupped his hand underneath the water and brought to his mouth he swished it around a little bit and spit it into the sink. He turned to face his mother who was looking at him concernedly.

"I should go be with him until they take him away." he tried to say strongly but it didn't come out that way.

"I think that would be a good idea." she said and Scott nodded, he made his way back into the room and saw Mr. Stilinski starring at Stiles and Stiles still starring at the wall. Scott swallowed and made his way back to Stiles side. He grabbed Stiles hand again.

"Stiles I don't where you are, but I'm here for you okay. I'm here for you." he said softly. Stiles eyes didn't so much as blink though, and Scott fought the tears back that wanted to escape this time, he had to be strong for Stiles he had to be. Someone stepped into the room with a wheel chair, they were coming to take Stiles, he fought back the wolf in him who wanted to rip this person apart who wanted to take Stiles away from him. Instead he stepped back as the nurse got him out of bed and settled him into the wheel chair and started wheeling him out.

As soon as Stiles was out the door, Scott couldn't seem to stand anymore and fell into a chair by the empty bedside. He felt so weak, so drained and since Stiles wasn't in the room anymore, he could feel these things without feeling so guilty. He heard more then saw Mr. Stilinski sit down next to him. Scott looked up and saw Mr. Stilinski looking at him. Scott swore to him with his eyes that he would do whatever it took to heal Stiles and Mr. Stilinski swore it back to him, then they as one looked back at the bed Stiles had been laid on and settled into to wait till he he came back.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf

Warnings: Abuse, Torture.

Future Warnings: possibly some future self injury, alcohol or drug use.

A/N: Every Chapter will now have a Stiles flashback, some short, some long.

Stiles POV 4 months ago.

Stiles opened his eyes a little, expecting to see a pillow or a blanket or really anything from his room, instead he found darkness. Maybe it was still night and he just needed to find the lamp on his bed side table. He tried to move his hand out to look for the lamp only to find he couldn't move his hand. He tried to move the other one, only to find the same problem. He shook his head and realized that whatever was making it dark was on his head and it moved as he shook it. "Okay what's going on?" he said nervously. There was no response. "Is this some kind of hazing ritual because I played for the first time?" No response again, but this time he heard the sound of other cars and he noticed they were in motion. "So I'm in a car with a hood on and my hand tied behind my back, I'm being kidnapped aren't I?" He thought aloud. There was still no response until someone punched him the stomach, did that count as a response? He knew it sure hurt a lot.

Greg Now

Greg parked the car in front of his house and heard only one door open he sighed. He looked back and saw that it had been Scott's door that had opened and not Stiles. He got out of the drivers seat and made his way around the car to where Scott had opened the door. Stiles was still starring at nothing like he had been all day. Stiles was wearing some scrubs from the hospital and the cast on his left leg and right arm was prominent as was the tube in his nose. Stiles was severely malnourished and they couldn't get him to eat at the hospital, so they had putting a feed tube in him. He noticed again the signatures on the casts, Scott had signed his name on both already in an attempt to get to Stiles it hadn't worked.

"Stiles we're home." he said softly and watched for any kind of response from his son. Stiles blinked and turned his head to stare at the house. Stiles pulled himself out of the car. That's when Greg remembered Stiles broken leg and how he should be using crutches. He opened the passenger's side door and grabbed them and made to hand them to Stiles, only to see Stiles walking without them, like his leg wasn't broken like the pain on walking on a newly broken then reset leg wasn't agonizing. He remembered in the hospital that they said that another bone in Stiles already broken leg had been broken and had healed wrong. So he had two broken bones in one leg and was walking like he didn't feel it, that was very not good. Scott met his gaze his eyes saying the same thing he was thinking. He moved to catch up with Stiles. Who was starring at the front door, which was when Greg remembered that the door was locked and took out his keys and put it in the door.

He unlocked the door and held it open for Stiles who didn't wait even a moment before making his way inside. Scott came in after him and Greg closed the door. Stiles wasn't going up to his room, he was looking at everything in the living room with absolutely no expression.

"Stiles we should go up to your room." Scott said after several moments of this.

"And use these." he said forcing the crutches into Stiles hands. He looked at the crutches with that damn vacant expression on his face. Greg looked at the stairs.

"Once you get up the stairs." He amended then took the crutches from Stiles and gave them to Scott. Stiles face didn't change at all, while he made his way up the stairs. He watched as Scott followed him up the stairs. He followed up after them and watched as Scott handed Stiles the crutches, when they got to the top. Stiles starred at the crutches for a long moment, before walking while just holding them to his room. His bedroom wasn't far away so before Greg even had a chance to argue Stiles was already inside his room.

He followed Stiles to his room where Stiles looked around at it, with about the same amount of interest as he had with the living room. Scott led Stiles to his bed and Stiles after a long moment sat down. Scott picked up the crutches and held them. Greg watched as Stiles gaze went into the wall, and knew he was gone again. He exchanged glances with Scott again and they moved into the hall together.

"At least he's home." Scott said quietly. Greg looked through the door and to his son again, who hadn't so much as moved a muscle since sitting down on the bed. Greg nodded not entirely sure anymore what exactly it was he was agreeing to, even though Scott had said whatever he had said only moments ago.

"I need to stay with him." Greg looked from Stiles to Scott who was starring at him the need, the plea of being able to stay with him was written all over his face. As much as it hurt him to acknowledge it, he wasn't the one who helped Stiles through his mother's death, he had too distracted by his own pain it was Scott that had helped him through it. If Stiles was, he corrected himself of course he would, he would be fine, for Stiles to get through this he would need Scott and any support he could get. He nodded.

"Do you think he's going to be able to sleep?" Scott asked him hesitantly. He looked again to his son who was still starring at the wall.

"I hope so." he said but he honestly didn't have any clue. He was too skinny, he hadn't been feed nearly enough. They had tried to get Stiles to eat, but he hadn't so they had put the feeding tube in his nose, until they get Stiles to eat normally they were going to have feed that way. Which he remembered he left it the car.

"Scott can you grab the stuff from the car." he said taking his keys from his pocket and holding them out. He wanted to talk to his son alone, he hadn't been able to all day. Scott looked over at Stiles.

"Scott please." he asked. Scott nodded and took the keys from him. It wouldn't took him long so Greg had to tell Stiles what he had been wanted to tell him all day.

"Stiles, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, if it hadn't been for me you wouldn't be like this today." Stiles didn't say anything back didn't curse him or absolve him just continued starring at the ceiling. "I'm so sorry Stiles." He walked up to him and put his hand gingerly on Stiles shoulder again hoping to get some response, but Stiles stayed still. It wasn't natural for his son to be this still. He was supposed to running around talking up a storm, that was his son, not this shell of him. He heard someone come in from behind him. He looked just to make sure and it was Scott he looked back to Stiles.

"Did you put them in the fridge."

"Yes." that reminded him tomorrow Mrs. McCall would be coming over, to teach him all about how to feed his son since he wouldn't eat willingly. They had told him a lot about it at the hospital, but he had been distracted at the time. He let out a loud yawn.

"You should try to sleep." Scott said they had had a long day, but Greg didn't want to leave his son side, the one he just gotten back.

"I should be with Stiles."he shook his head as he said it.

"I'll be with him and you need to sleep. I'm a werewolf." Greg nodded, he had found that out not very long after Stiles had gone missing.

"You need anything and I mean anything you let me know no matter what time it is." he said.

"I promise." Scott said his eyes earnest. Greg looked once more at his son whose eyes hadn't moved at all in all this time.

"Goodnight Stiles." he called out to him like he might have have 4 months ago on the way to bed. Stiles didn't acknowledge that he said anything and Greg sighed but moved down to his room. He was too tired, too emotional and psychically tired to change his clothes, instead he just pulled off his shoes and fell into bed. Despite his exhaustion he couldn't help but think of his son. He had never seen his son like this before, even when Angela had died he hadn't been like this. How was he going to be able to get his son though this? Those thoughts echoed in his head as he fell into an uneasy sleep.

Review please


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles 4 months ago.

The car was stopping, a sharp sudden pain to his head made it difficult to focus or even try to fight. He felt himself being moved, after his head stopped pounded quite so much he tried kicking but his feet met nothing. He suddenly feel to the floor he grunted as his leg hit the ground at a strange angle. It twinged a bit but probably wasn't broken.

He felt something touch his arms and he tried to figure out what they were doing. He tensed as he realized they were taking off what ever was tying his hands behind his back. He got ready to move, once his hands were free he tried to move them but before he got more then an inch, his hands were captured again and put into something cold and metal. He could suddenly see, he blinked a few times and looked to see who had captured him. There was three people in front of him. 2 man and 1 woman in their mid to late 20's. They were all starring at him in a manner that was decidedly unfriendly.

"Your not the Argents or Derek's crew and those are the only people I think I can of who would try to kidnap me." he thought aloud, a funny thought occurred to him. "Two kidnappings in one week, I bet even peach gets more down time between kidnappings." he said. They just glared at him, apparently not getting the reference or just not finding it funny. "So why the kidnapping?" he asked nervously.

"Your father." one of the men said. Stiles frowned.

"What about my father.?"

"Shut up." he said his glare intensifying.

"Okay shutting up now." he said nervously.

"Your father shot our brother and killed him." if his father had killed their brother, their brother must have done something wrong, his Dad wouldn't shoot anyone for no reason.

"You think our brother deserved to die!" the other man shouted. Stiles winced as he realized he must have actually said what he was thinking aloud. The man strode forward until the other older man stopped him.

"There's plenty of time for that, but we have to let him know first."

"Fine. Your Dad killed our brother! He took care of us, watched over us and the only reason he held up that store was for money to feed us! Your Dad didn't care, just plugged him full of holes. We all went into foster care, they separated us! They hurt us! So we have you now and we're going to show the sheriff our pain!" Stiles breath stopped as the man advanced towards him again.

"Is that good enough." he called to his brother.

"Sounds good to me." the man said. The man raised his fist and slammed it very hard into his shoulder. He screamed in pain, even as he saw all three of them smile like they were enjoying it.

Scott's POV

Scott opened his eyes and saw somewhat familiar surroundings. It took a few more moments to recognize Stiles room then it would have to recognize his own. He move a little and winced. He had feel asleep in a chair. He got out of the chair and felt as the healing that was part of being a werewolf took effect. He looked down at Stiles hoping to find him asleep, but his eyes were open and starring, at least Stiles was starring at a new part of the wall, maybe that meant he got some sleep.

"Stiles." he asked. Stiles still didn't respond.

"Stiles your home, your safe now." He had already tried that line several times last night and it hadn't produced an effect then either, it just made him sound like a broken record.

"Stiles, come on man give me some kind of response."

"Anything, anything at all." Stiles continued starring at the ceiling.

"Stiles." he trailed off and just starred at Stiles. "I'm going to go get something to eat I'll be back in a moment." He said even though he had no idea if anything he saying Stiles was even processing. He left the room and took several deep breaths. He went down the stairs just because he said he was going to eat, although he had no plans on eating, he wasn't really hungry. He froze as he saw Mr. Stilinski sitting at the table, just starring at it. He didn't want to bother Mr. Stilinskik so he started to back away from the kitchen.

"Your mother will be here soon and some people called to ask if they could drop by."

"Who?"

"Lydia and Issac, I told them they could come by whenever." Scott raised his eyebrows not because of Lydia (Lydia had helped at lot in the finding of Stiles) but because of Issac. Things weren't going so smoothly between him and Derek at the moment. Still he was glad that people were rallying around Stiles in his time of need.

Scott's eyes flickered to the door and to the stairs. Should he wait here for his mom or should he be up there with Stiles? Stiles blank starring eyes was in his mind so he decided to wait down here for his mom. He sat down next to Mr. Stilinski, who seemed to be starring at the table, like it could give him all the answers on how to fix everything. Scott looked down at the table just in case it had the answers to the universe written on it, it didn't so he looked back up. He looked at Mr. Stilinski unsure of what to say. He was still starring at Mr. Stilinski when the doorbell rung ten minutes later. Mr. Stilinski looked up tiredly. Scott got up from his seat.

"I'll get it, it's probably my mom anyway." Mr. Stilinski nodded gratefully. Scott rushed a bit down the hall and to the door which he opened to find his mother standing there. He held the door open and she walked in, as soon as Scott shut the door, he couldn't seem to help himself, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Mom." he said quietly. His mother let him hug her for a long moment before he let her go and stepped back a bit.

"Scott you being good for Mr. Stilinski? You being helpful...not causing any trouble." Scott nodded. "That's good." he heard her say quietly more likely to herself then him. She cleared his throat.

"So where is Greg?" she asked.

"In the kitchen." his mom nodded, knowing enough of the layout of the house to know where the kitchen was from there.

"How is he?" she asked quietly. Scott shook his head.

"Not good." he said simply, but what good father would be good when his only son was like this. His mom nodded understandingly. She started towards the kitchen and Scott followed her. He watched his mom look at Mr. Stilinski with sympathy.

"Greg." she said softly, but loud enough to be heard. Mr. Stilinski's eyes shot up from the table and met his mother's.

"Melissa." he said, he blinked a few times, then got slowly to his feet and started leading the way up the stairs. The three sets of feet seemed unnaturally slow and heavy making their way up the stairs. Mr. Stilinski stopped at the door to Stiles room for a long moment before going in. Scott hoped that in the little time that he had been gone maybe Stiles had improved, but he was still starring at the same spot he had been when he had left the room. He heard Mr. Stilinski sigh. His mom took charge after that, showing Mr. Stilinski and himself how to make sure the feeding tube was in the proper place and how to feed him. He tried his hardest to focus in case he ever needed to do it, he got most of it but his eyes kept being drawn to Stiles vacant ones. This was not the Stiles he knew, this was not his best friend. He immediately felt guilty for thinking those thoughts though. It was his best friend, it was Stiles, he was just...broken. Somehow that thought didn't make him feel any better.

"Scott." Scott blinked as realized his mom had been talking to him for a little bit.

"Sorry mom I just..." he didn't know how to explain how he was feeling.

"It's okay, I understand. I was just asking if you were coming home tonight?" Scott frowned, of course he was staying here tonight, he was going to stay here till Stiles felt better.

"Scott, you can't stay here for the rest of your life."

"It's been one night." his Mom sighed.

"Alright but we're going to talk about this more tonight okay." Scott nodded although he had no inclination whatever so ever to stay home while Stiles was suffering without him.

"I've got to get to work." she kissed his check "Be good okay?" Scott nodded. She left the room leaving just him and Stiles.

A few hours later Scott heard the doorbell. Mr. Stilinski was out of the house, he said something about shopping. Scott made his way to the door and opened it to see Issac standing there.

"Issac."

"How is he?" Issac asked with his hands in his shoved into his gray sweaters pockets, not looking at him. Scott moved from the door to let Issac in ,so they could have the conversation inside. Issac stepped inside and Scott shut the door.

"Not good, he doesn't really respond when you talk to him." Issac nodded still not looking at Scott. He wondered for a moment if Issac was mad at him, he did kind of abandon Derek and everyone in the pack as soon as Stiles had gone missing. He had been drawn back into it though, by people who threatened other people he cared about, which why it had taken 4 months for him to find Stiles and why Stiles was so broken. If only he had gotten to him sooner. Scott shoved those thoughts out of his head.

"The thing in his nose it's a feeding tube." he warned him.

"He's not eating?" Scott shook his head sadly.

"Can I see him now?" Issac asked still not looking at him.

"Yeah." He lead the way up the stairs and to Stiles room. He knocked on the door before he entered, even though Stiles probably wouldn't notice.

"Can I talk to him alone?" he asked this time looking at him in the eyes. There were a lot of intense emotions in his eyes and he had a feeling they had nothing to do with him. Scott nodded and started heading out of the room.

"And Scott" Scott turned around. "Please don't listen in, what I have to say is for Stiles only." Scott nodded and added.

"Make sure to sign his cast." Issac nodded and picked up the permanent marker from Stiles desk. Scott turned around and headed out the door. He went down to the kitchen to increase the distance between them so he wouldn't be as tempted to listen into the conversation. It was hard though, he wanted to know what Issac was saying to Stiles. He busied himself in making a sandwich, although he wasn't really sure he was planning on eating it. He made a fairly complex sandwich since apparently what Issac wanted to say to Stiles was very long. He was done with said sandwich and now just looking at it. It was a good looking sandwich however he had no desire to eat it at the moment.

What he wanted was to have his friend back or at least eavesdrop on what Issac was saying, he barely managed to resist. He heard footsteps on the steps and knew that Issac must have finished talking to Stiles.

"I signed his cast." Isaac said.

"He didn't say anything to you did he?" Issac shook his head, after a few seconds pause he added.

"Derek wants to talk to you." Scott glared.

"Is that why you came? To be Derek's messenger boy?" Isaac shook his head.

"No I wanted to talk to Stiles, Derek just thought since I would be seeing you anyways he could kill 2 birds with one stone."

"I think you should go now." Isaac held up his hands.

"I am really only here for Stiles but I'll go if that's what you want." he started heading out of the kitchen and Scott heard the door open then shut. Mr. Stilinski walked into the room with some grocery bags.

"Isaac decided to visit?" Mr. Stilinski asked. Scott looked at him and decided just to nod and not include anything about Issac's message. Mr. Stilinski nodded and put the grocery bags down and went back out of the kitchen, only to return a few moments later with another set of grocery which he also put on the table.

"There all of Stiles favorite foods." Mr. Stilinski answered his unasked question. "This morning I was looking through the cupboards and fridge and everything Stiles likes is either gone or too old, so I had to buy some for him." Scott nodded his understanding. Mr. Stilinski started putting the food away and Scott watched him, noting the foods he was putting away were in fact Stiles favorites and how he hadn't really had most of them since Stiles had gone missing, it hadn't seemed right to eat them without Stiles. He looked up the stairs he should get back to it. Only just then the doorbell rang again.

"I'll get it." he offered and Mr. Stilinski nodded gratefully again.. He opened the door moments later.

"Lydia." he was glad to see her. He knew why Lydia was here and there no double agenda here. Lydia was in love with Jackson, but she developed some friendly feeling towards Stiles ever since he had been kidnapped. She had done a lot to help them find Stiles.

"You found him." Scott nodded even though it was a statement not a question.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Not good."

"How so?" she asked.

"He's not really talking." Lydia brow creased she knew how Stiles loved to talk and if he wasn't talking that there must be something seriously wrong with him. "He's also not really responded at all to really anything." Lydia nodded after a moment.

"Can I see him?" Scott nodded. He took her through the house and up to Stiles room. He knocked on the door again and went in. Stiles hadn't moved since he had brought Isaac up, he was still staring at the same spot.

"Do you want some privacy?" he asked. Lydia shook her head, her eyes getting teary.

"Will he know if I talk to him?"

"I don't know." Scott said with a shrug. Lydia nodded.

"Stiles." she said softly. If nothing had happened, Stiles would be over the moon to have Lydia in his room right now trying to talk to him. Stiles however didn't seem to realize Lydia was in his room or even worse didn't care. Scott motioned to her that she should go on.

"Stiles, I'm not wearing any underwear." Scott's eyes widened and Lydia turned to him with a shrug.

"That usually grabs guys attention, I thought I'd give it a try." it may have gotten his attention but it hadn't grabbed the desired objects attention, Stiles was still starring vacantly.

"Stiles?"she said with a frown because she unused to being ignored. "Stiles." she said in a sing-song voice. "Stiles." she said annoyed. She sighed.

"Stiles I want you to know that when you do come back from where ever you are ,things will be different between us...I'll be friendly towards you." she seemed unsure of what else to say then she turned and started heading for the door. Scott followed her out.

"I'm going to go now." she said and Scott nodded. He walked her down the stairs and to the door. She looked at him for a moment before leaving.

"He'll be okay." she said she sounded so sure, he wanted so much to believe her. She seemed to read his unsureness.

"He's Stiles." she said with a smile, Scott smiled back he hoped she was right.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

It had been 3 days since they had rescued Stiles and a lot of people had visited in those 3 days. Among them, Alison, Danny, and somewhat surprisingly Jackson. Stiles was still the same, the only way of speculating if Stiles got any sleep was that he seemed to pick a new place to stare at every morning.

Of course at the moment he had no idea how Stiles was doing, his mom had made him go back to school, something about having missed too many days already. It wasn't like he was even learning anything at school anyways. He attention wasn't on what ever was being talked about at all but Stiles. He looked up at the clock again which seemed to be going in slow motion in disbelief, there was no way that was the right time. The clock seemed to moving in slow motion. Eventually, though much too slowly for his liking the bell rung and Scott ran out of the door.

He was at Stiles's house in under 5 minutes. He jumped onto the roof and went into the open window. Stiles was exactly how he left him hours ago when he went to school. Scott deflated a little. He sat down in the chair he sat in, slept in and spent most of his time in since Stiles had come home. He starred at Stiles for a long time, and then went on the bargaining session of the day.

"Stiles, how about your move her head even a little bit for me? I'll give you a cookie?" he said holding up a stack of cookies he had intended to eat 3 days ago, but instead kept offering to Stiles.

"Or maybe you could blink out a code." Stiles blinked but only automatically not in any kind of pattern and Scott had made sure. He had even found some of his old scout books and looked.

"I'll talk with you about how great Lydia is." Stiles talked about how great Lydia was a lot so in the last few years Scott had just ignored Stiles when he started talking a lot about Lydia, like he was sure Stiles did when he started talking too much about Alison. No response.

"Stiles you've got to snap out of it man, you're home you're safe." Stiles eyes remained vacant. Scott kept talking to him trying to get him to break out it. He talked about anything and everything he could think of, hoping something would break through to Stiles. Hoping to that he would finally have his best friend after all this time and that his guilt would lessen.

A few hours later Mr. Stilinski yelled up the stairs.

"Scott your Mom's here for you." Scott brow furrowed what was his mom doing here? He got up from his chair and made his way down to the living room where his mom was standing looking at him.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" he said echoing his thoughts aloud.

"I have to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Scott you can't stay here all the time."

"What?" his mom had to be kidding.

"You can stay for tonight, but starting tomorrow your sleeping at home."

"But Stiles needs me." and he needed him.

"And he'll still need you in the morning but you have to sleep in a bed."

"But Mom."

"No buts you are coming home at 10 pm every night and you going to sleep in your own bed. If Mr. Stilinski lets you you can come over an hour before school start but no earlier then that. You can come here after school but only until 10 pm and you are more then 5 minutes late I'll rethink this, is that understood?"

"Fine, can I go back now?" Scott's mom nodded. Scott left the living room and went back to Stiles's room. She didn't understand but that was because he hadn't told anybody, and he wasn't going to it was his burden to bare and his alone.

3 months and 3 weeks ago.

The room had no windows, no natural light coming in. The only time the only light in the room was on was when they were there. So Stiles learned to appreciate the dark, because when it was dark it meant they weren't there. It was dark at the moment, he thought about Scott, Scott would save him all he had to do was wait for him to come. They were best friends Scott wouldn't leave him there. He kept that mantra going in his head because it made him feel better, gave him something else to think about. He heard the door open and closed his eyes. He didn't want to see which one it was. They all had a particular kind of torture they liked to use on him and Stiles didn't really want to see which one he would be getting at the moment.

"So Stiles, what kind of parent names their kid Stiles."Cutter said, Stiles kept his eyes closed because even though he knew which was here now, he wanted to pretend that he wasn't there. Stiles bit his lip. They didn't like it when he talked he learned that in the last week. Cutter found his voice annoying and the others thought it was as good as any reason to hurt him.

Still didn't mean they didn't ask him questions, like they wanted him to talk so they had a reason.

"Look at me when I talk to you." Stiles opened his eyes reluctantly to see Cutter. He was in front of him glaring down at him. He was the oldest of them, he had kept Bruiser from hurting him until he had explained why on his first day here. Cutter was fat but nearly as fat as Bruiser. He had a dark beard and long dark hair. Of course most of Stile's attention wasn't on Cutter it was on the razor he held in his hand.

Stiles didn't actually know any of their names, they had never said it around him. He named them himself according to what they liked to do to him. Cutter liked to Cut him. Whips like to Whip him and Bruiser like to bruise him. All of them creating a horrible mosaic of pain.

"Please don't." he whispered then winced remembering how he wasn't supposed to talk. Cutter smiled a nasty smile and brought the razor down onto his chest. He had taken his shirt when he had ran out of space on his arms. Stiles screamed in pain again and again trying to keep himself quiet knowing Cutter only cut more when he screamed but it hurt too damn much!

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf

Scott got ready for bed like he was going along with the verdict. He even got in bed and waited for the sounds of his mother falling to sleep. As soon as he heard the sounds of his mother's soft snores he got out of bed. He stripped off his pajamas and put on jeans and a shirt on, and pulled on a jacket. He opened his window, jumped and ran and leaped until he was where he was planning on going. Stiles's roof. If he wasn't allowed to sit in there with him, he'd sit out here and watch him.

For hours nothing happened, Stiles just stayed in the place like usual, no no Stiles staying in place wasn't usual, he reminded himself it was abnormal. Scott felt himself nodded off on the roof, when he heard someone step into Stiles room. He looked at his watch it was 2:30 in the morning. He shifted and tensed getting ready to pounce until he heard it.

"Stiles." Scott unshifted, and relaxed it was Mr. Stilinski's voice. "Stiles, can you hear me?" Scott felt uncomfortable now, he was eavesdropping on what was most likely meant to be a private conversation. Scott was undecided on what to do when he heard.

"Your mom...your mom would know what to do she always did...me...I don't know what to do. You get into trouble... I ground you. You lie...I never did know what to do when you lied...I understand now you were trying to protect me, but don't you know I'm your father. I'm supposed to be the one who protects you, not the other way around?" his voice hitched and Scott definitely knew now he was officially eavesdropping on a conversation he shouldn't be eavesdropping on. He decided to let Mr. Stilinski talk to Stiles in private. He jumped off the roof and ran until he didn't hear Mr. Stilinski anymore.

3 months 1 week ago.

He didn't dare move, the pain it caused was too much for him, even the tinniest of movement caused him a world of pain. The only times he moved was for food/water and to get rid of the food/water, both incredibly painful processes. Otherwise he leaned against a wall, not having enough energy to keep himself sitting up for long periods of time. The darkness surrounded him, but even through the darkness he looked at a section of the wall.

He kept starring at a certain spot on the wall, he had written something on there back when he was strong, back when the pain wasn't so bad. He liked to look at it because it gave him hope, even though he couldn't actually read it except for when the light was on. Which was when he was being hurt, still he knew it was there and what it said without being able to actually read. The door crept open and tears filled his eyes, no, why couldn't they just leave him alone. He had begged, he had pleaded, he had apologized, he would do anything for them to just stop, and had told them so but they wouldn't.

It was Whips, he saw her even through his tears, she was here. She looked a little bit like Scott's mom only she was younger and her face was fatter. She sounded nothing like Scott's mom though.

"On your back." she said her cruel voice, not that it was ever any way else. Stiles cried more, as he moved himself onto his back, as the pain of the fresh and healing wounds hit him. He let a sob out and winced, he knew any noises meant more pain. He heard the sound of the whip hitting in front of him. She liked to tease him before she really got down to it. She hit a few more places just inches from him before she hit him for real. Stiles bit down hard on his lip.

Don't make a sound. Don't make a sound.

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	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf

_ He was standing on one side of a door, he knew Stiles was on the other side of that door and he was hurt. He opened the door and the sight that met his eyes was something he would never forget, and would always want to. Blood filled the air some old a lot not, and all of it Stiles. He looked over at Stiles and saw him covered in dried blood, and bruises and wearing nothing. Also something caught his attention on the wall, there were letters it took a bit of working out to figure out what it said, but the message was heartbreaking. _

_ Dad will save me _

_ Scott will save me_

_ Scott and Dad will save me. _

_ I'll be home soon. _

Scott shot up in bed and looked around for Stiles to assure himself that it was in the past that Stiles wasn't still suffering. He couldn't see him, his hands fumbled as he took out his phone and found the picture of him he had snapped a day or two ago. It wasn't enough though, he needed to see Stiles, to see with his own eyes that he was fine. Which was why he kept watch over him even while he supposed to be sleeping, actually especially when he was supposed to be sleeping, because whenever he went to sleep he seemed to have that dream.

He got dressed and headed out in the night and was at on Stiles roof in minutes. He caught a quick peek Stiles just enough to assure him that Stiles was fine and that he could bat back the feeling of guilt again for a little bit. He could tell his mother and she'd probably let him stay in Stiles room again, but he didn't want her to have to know how much he had failed Stiles, he didn't want anyone to know.

3 months ago

"You know I would have thought that someone would have come around by now, at least asking about you, but no one has, and it's been a month now. It looks like your the opposite of clairvoyant" bruiser said pointing the wall which Stiles had written the words "Nobody cares, no one has even looked for you, we should have taken that McCall kid, I bet someone would have kicked up a fuss for him. Still good for us."

He punched his shoulder hard and since it still had fresh slices on it from cutter, it hurt that much more. Moisture spilled from his eyes, but he bit his lip tightly to prevent any sound from escaping. He was wrong, they were coming, they would save him. He could see the words now in the light, he really wanted to believe them, it just was getting a bit harder as time went on. Had it really been a month? He had hoped it had just seemed long, but it hadn't been that long had it? Another punch to his chest. Stiles bit his lip hard in a different place as the one he had used last he had bit through. His mouth was littered with wounds like that.

Another punch to the chest, then a hard kick to the leg, a really really hard kick, the pain it caused, was so much worse then anything before. He couldn't help but cry out. Tears fell rapidly down his face, it hurt it hurt so bad. Bruiser handled his leg roughly and pain ran roughly through him, he bit his lip hard trying to avoiding sobbing, but the pain it hurt so much. So much pain too much to handle, he faded quickly into darkness.

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	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Scott kept pretending to go sleep at night and making it back in his bed minutes before his mother would check on him. It made him pretty tired, he had trouble staying awake in class, and focusing on class was pretty much impossible. Scott kept on falling asleep on Stile's roof, and had actually brought a rope to tie himself to the roof so that he wouldn't fall onto the ground accidentally. Right now it was raining, but Scott wasn't going home. He needed to make sure Stiles was okay.

He heard a sound, there was something on the ground, something moving. He got up, disconnected himself from the roof and looked down. Scott frowned Derek was there, this was not the place to ambush him. He leaped off the roof onto the ground , grabbed Derek and smashed him against a tree. Derek's eyes went alpha red in under a second and Scott followed suit.

"What are you doing here?" he growled lowly.

"I'm here to see Stiles."

"Why?" he growled.

"Because I want to." Scott hit him against the tree again.

"Why." he growled louder. "You've been nothing but a jerk to him since you've known him."

"He saved my life remember, held me up in a pool for two hours until we both nearly drowned. Scott winced with guilt Stiles had texted him and he had ignored it. He released his grip on Derek but didn't step away.

"Issac said you wanted to talk to me."

"I do, but right now I want to talk to Stiles."

"Stiles isn't really talking to anyone at the moment." Scott said sadly.

"Yeah I know Isaac said."

"I don't understand you." Scott thought aloud.

"Yeah well I'm a complex guy." Derek said then leaped up onto the roof, Scott leaped up after him. Derek leaped into Stiles room and Scott leaped in after him.

"I don't trust you." He said to Derek's expression.

"Fine." he said. His eyes took in Stiles and his body's state of healing. Scott watched Derek face as he took Stiles in. He was unable to tell what Derek was thinking.

"Humans had him." it wasn't a question but Scott answered anyways.

"Yeah."

"What happened to the humans we had him?"

"They didn't make it." Scott said he wasn't sure but Derek's face looked like he approved.

2 months 3 weeks ago.

His leg was definitely broken and he had no idea how he was supposed to fix it. He remembered some first aid stuff, but the stuff about broken bones was really fuzzy. He learned something about it way back when when he had boy scouts, but his mother had died and he had stopped going. No, no the last thing he wanted to be thinking about at the moment was his mother's death. Especially with his already severely deflated mood of the late.

He looked at the spot on the wall again. If they were telling the truth it had been more then a month now, and they still hadn't found him. They were looking. They had to be looking. They would find him, only he wasn't sure anymore. What if they couldn't find him? What if they didn't want to find him? What if they decided he was too annoying to want around anymore, and it was good that he had been kidnapped? Kidnapper lied to kept you down, to kept you not fighting, but he hadn't fought in a few weeks now, what would the purpose of lying now be?

The door opened and a plate of food, dog food was slide across the floor complete with dog bowl. He would have never eat it before, but he wasn't really above it at the moment, not when his stomach growled so loud, not when he hadn't been feed for awhile and he needed anything to keep going, to live until he was rescued. He moved little by little to the bowl, because it hurt so much to move even a little, especially moving his most likely broken leg. He was glad for the first time he only had boxers on. The rest of his clothes having taken away either as punishment or to allow better access to his battered body. At least with no clothes there was nothing to catch on.

Having made his way to the bowl, he put his hand and swirled it around. It was necessary, because once before they had put small rocks in it which had cracked his tooth. It was still causing him pain but added to all the other wounds it was only one instrument in a symphony of pain. Having found nothing dangerous in his food he started eating it. Dry dog food, he never thought he would enjoy eating dry dog food. In very little time he eat what little there was there and looked carefully for any morsel he might have missed and found none. He sighed and scooted backwards again until he was against the wall. He didn't have much time now, soon someone would show up they liked to hurt him after they feed him. The door opened and Stiles looked up into Whips eyes , she smiled her terrifying smile.

A/N: I'm sorry I'm having a little trouble with the next chapter so it might take a while to post.

Review please :)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf. Which is probably a good thing since I tend to torture my favorite characters.

A/N: I should have the next chapter up in the next couple of days.

Before

The door squeaked open and Stiles opened his eyes or tried to but his left eyes was swollen shut. However he got a good enough view of who was coming in. It was her, it was whips, he did his best not make a sound even though all he wanted to do at the moment was cry loud. He laid on the floor with his back facing the air, because if he did it for them instead of forcing her to move him it usually was shorter, the same went for if he was silent throughout it. The whole being silent thing was hard not because he had the urge to talk because he didn't really anymore. He bit his lip hard enough to make his lip start bleeding again just he wouldn't make it worse.

Now

Derek eyes kept taking Stiles in and he didn't talk for awhile just seemed to look at Stiles intensely not that he ever looked any different.

"Stiles." Derek said softly. Scott looked at him, he didn't understand Derek but maybe he really did have a heart somewhere beneath his hard exterior if anyone could manage to slide in that hard exterior it was Stiles. Stiles just had that way about him, even if you found him annoying, you couldn't help but like him. Or at least he had until he had been stolen all that was left now was blank starring Stiles.

"Stiles." Derek said a little louder this time, obviously trying to talk to Stiles. Scott didn't say anything. Issac must have had told him that Stiles was unresponsive, this must be his attempt to reach Stiles, and even if Issac hadn't told him he wasn't going to tell him not until he was sure it wouldn't break him out of it.

"Stiles?" Derek said a little louder. No change.

"Stiles!" He shushed him then, Mr. Stilinski was sleeping just a few rooms away.

"What happened to him?" Derek turned around and demanded.

"Nothing good." Scott said shortly, not sure if he could actually say the words aloud. Derek turned back and looked at Stiles.

"This never should have never happened." Derek muttered low enough that Scott even with his wolf hearing barely heard it. He turned around and went for the window.

"You should sign his cast." Scott blurted. Derek turned around and looked at him.

"Stiles would like it." Scott added. Derek stood there a very long moment then came towards him and asked.

"You have a marker?" he put his hand out. Scott handed him a marker and watched Derek sign his name of his casts. He handed him back the marker.

"You happy?" Derek asked.

"I won't be happy until Stiles is back." Scott said, Derek look up at Stiles and nodded slightly. He went back to the window and jumped out of it. Scott went the window and watched as Derek took off. He turned back to Stiles.

"See even Derek wants you to come back buddy." still no response.

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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Before

They sliced, they whipped, they hit, nothing changed, nothing ever was different. The pain was always there and it never went away, sometimes got minutely better but it never ended. Hours, days all started faded together. How long had he been here? Who had last come in? Both questions he didn't know the answers to. His hope of ever being rescued seemed laughable now, but he didn't laugh, he hadn't in so long he had nearly forgotten what it sounded like when it wasn't coming from the vicious siblings. He was going to stay here in pain for the rest of his life, which by now he hoped wouldn't be much longer. He just wanted the pain to end, for it all to finally be over.

Now

_He walked into the house, he had given McCall as much time as he could stand. The house looked ordinary like any other house but it wasn't, it was __the place where__ people were keeping his son away from him. He walked down the hall and came into a kitchen area. He tensed as he saw a streak of blood on the white walls of the kitchen. Were they Stiles__'s__ were they Scott's? _

_ He tightened the grip on his gun, he continued walking a few more steps and he saw a body. He looked just long enough to make sure it wasn't Scott or Stiles then continued on. He went into another hallway and saw another body in the way. It was a guy, but he was sure it wasn't Stiles or Scott. He walked over him and found another body less then 2 feet away. This one was harder to tell so he started panicking. He rolled the body over and starred down into the dead eyes of one of the three siblings who had kidnapped his son. He's body was slashed in several places, he couldn't find it in himself to have any pity for him._

_ He kept on walking, all three of them were dead and he was perfectly okay with that. He came to a stair case that went both up and down. He heard some soft barely discernible sounds coming from below, so that was the way that he went. There was only one door at the bottom. The door opened and Scott was in front of him suddenly._

_ "Where's Stiles?" he asked. Scott looked at him and he knew instantly it was bad. _

_ "Is he in there?" he asked. _

_ "You don't want to see him." Scott said with a small shake of his head. _

_ "He's my son." he reached around Scott for the door knob and Scott moved in the way again._

_ "Mr. Stilinski trust me you don't want to see him like this." Scott said earnestly. Greg swallowed, no he didn't, but Stiles was his son and he needed to. _

_ "Scott step out of the way."_

_ "Mr. Stilinski?" he begged. _

_ "Scott." he swallowed hard "I need to see my son." Scott reluctantly moved out of the way. He opened the door and his heart plummeted into his stomach. No...no this couldn't be real. The sight that met his eyes was nothing short of horrific. Blood stained floor surrounded a figure that only barely looked like his son. His son was way too skinny and covered head to toe in bruises, cuts and scars. _

Greg woke up with a start. He'd been having that dream a lot lately. He made his way out of bed and down the hall to Stiles room and sat in the chair by Stiles bed. He looked at Stiles, not much had changed in the past almost 3 weeks. Stiles was still starring at the wall, he still had to feed him through a feeding tube, at least most of the wounds were mostly healed now. Although the scars were more prominent now. He didn't like looked at the scars because they reminded him of how had he failed so much as a father and that he didn't protect his son.

"Stiles?" he asked. Stiles didn't react at all he never did, in all these late night conversations he had with Stiles.

"Stiles?" he asked again.

"I'm so sorry Stiles, I'm your father I'm supposed to protect you." he had said it before many times to Stiles, but it didn't make him feel any better so he kept saying it hoping one day it would.

"Please you need to come back." he asked for what was probably the hundredth time. Stiles said nothing back.

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	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Now

It had been 3 weeks now since they had brought Stiles home and there was still no change. Every day was the same. Scott stayed on the Stilinski roof all night, his cellphone woke him up and he was back in bed 5 minutes before his mom came to wake him up.

He would then get dressed and make his way to school, during which he got very little of what was being taught, due to exhaustion and disinterest. In fact any time the lights went off for any reason he found it impossible to keep his eyes open and had fallen asleep in several classes. When his teachers or other students woke him up they weren't angry they just held pity in their eyes.

He eat lunch everyday with Lydia and Jackson. Mostly it was just he and Lydia or Jackson and Lydia who talked to each other and Scott and Jackson just tolerated the others presence.

After lunch it was even harder to focus, because he knew that soon he would be able to see Stiles again, a psychical reminder that he was back and safe now. As soon as the final bell rang he would be out of there and by Stiles bedside as quickly as possible. Where Stiles would just stare, stare and stare until he had to go home , then the day would start all over again.

At the moment he was at the part of his day when he would try to get Stiles to communicate and Stiles wouldn't say or do anything. He was started to lose hope that Stiles would ever respond to him, that his eyes would remain forever unfocused on anything but a spot on the wall.

"So Stiles, you know you gotta move, just a finger or a toe, just to show me your in there, something anything, you just got to show me your in there. Please Stiles, I have to know, I need to know that I didn't fail you completely that there's something of you still in there." He had said this speech albeit slightly varied everyday. Stiles just kept starring at the wall. Scott grabbed his hand. Physical contact had when they initially rescued him seemed to help him jump out of his head. However in the three weeks since he had been back the several times he had tired it it hadn't yielded any results.

"Stiles please." he asked him again. "I need you back here with me, please." Scott was starring at Stiles when Stiles blinked, then blinked again a few times in a way that was definitely not usual well usual for the last 3 weeks.

"Stiles?" another quick session of blinks. "Stiles?" he eyes moved from the wall to look around the room then settled on him. Could it be? Was Stiles actually responding after all this time?

"Stiles can you hear me?" Stiles didn't say anything but he kept looking at him. Scott moved a little bit and Stiles eyes kept tracking his movements.

"Stiles? It's okay your home now your safe now." Stiles eyes which used to be expressive didn't show any feelings but as Scott moved again Stiles eyes tracked him again.

"Stiles do you understand me?" Scott asked. Stiles starred at him intensely for awhile, so long that he thought his face was just the new place Stiles had decided to stare, then Stiles nodded very slowly. Scott heart rose. Stiles was back.

Before

After so many days of pain pain that defied any description he could give it. Stiles was able to withdraw into himself to protect himself from the out worldly pain. Things were peaceful there, there was no pain there, even though distantly he knew his body was still being hurt, the pain didn't reach him there. He was surrounded in a warm place full of light, where nothing could to him and he was at peace.

A/N: I don't want to raise your hopes like I raised Scott's. Stiles is not magically fixed even if he is no longer buried deep inside himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

One week ago

He was embedded in a cocoon of peace and light where there was nothing but peace and happiness and warmth. Only, a little while ago little tears started showing up in his cocoon of peace. There was darkness in the holes and he tried to go further into the cocoon and that had worked for awhile but eventually the darkness closed in and became bigger. Stiles tried to stay in the light and peace but eventually the darkness was too large not to fall into. He fell into the darkness the coldness. The darkness took away his peace.

Now.

He had been safe he had been happy and now he was here, stuck here in this horrible place. Everyone had seemed happy about it, happy they they had sucked him out of his place and into this crappy world full of reminders and nightmares.

"Stiles." Stiles looked up slowly at his Dad who face hadn't changed at all. He was had that guilty look that also was laced with pity and concern.

"Stiles you've got to eat something." Stiles looked down at the bowl of cereal his Dad had given him. He didn't want to eat it, it didn't taste good nothing did anymore. Of course his Dad had threatened him last night that if he didn't start eating the feeding tube was going back in. Stiles picked up his spoon again and put in his cereal and brought it up to his lips. He no longer seemed to like cocoa puffs. He put the chocolate cereal in his mouth anyways and chewed it slowly it didn't taste good. All he had to do was eat until his Dad left for work, he had gotten a desk job a boring desk job.

His knew his father didn't want to work, didn't want to leave him but they needed money to keep the house, and he knew his father felt guilty about leaving. Before Stiles would have assured him he was fine even if he was lying, for some reason he didn't feel like doing the same now. All he wanted was his father to leave the house so he could stop eating.

"Alright I'll be home soon and Scott will be over after school don't cause any trouble until then." Stiles looked at him but didn't say anything. His father sighed and left the room. Stiles listened as his father left the house as soon as he shut the front door. Stiles spit it out. He took his bowl and went to sink and dumped all of it's contents into the sink. He put the bowl in the sink. He grabbed his crutches but didn't use them as he made his way up to his room. He had to use them when his father was around because if he didn't he'd get this heart broken look, but Stiles preferred not to use the crutches, preferred the jolt of pain he felt whenever he took a step. It gave him something else to focus on.

Stiles having made his way to his room put his crutches against his desk and sat at it. He looked at the time. Scott was at school, he should be at school now too only since he hadn't in school for 5 months although a good part of the five months had been through summer break, he still needed to catch up before he would be put into school again. He had absolutely no desire to go back to school. Absolutely no desire to learn or to be around other people. Being around his father and Scott were hard enough. When he felt so weak so desperately empty inside.

The work itself he didn't mind he spend most of the time his father and Scott were gone doing work. At his pace he was caught up in a week but every time Scott or his Dad asked how the study was going he just shrugged. He left a bookmark in his book far back from where he actually was, if they knew how close he was there would be talks about putting him back in school. It hard enough just being around Scott and his Dad having more people stare at him like he was a freak would be too much. So he kept it to himself.

The door to his house opened a few hours later, it was too early for it to his Dad, so that only left Scott. He barely resisted the temptation to hit himself in the head with his text book which he was now ahead of his class in. He heard Scott as he started walking up the stairs towards his room. He shut the textbook and put some papers over it. He then just starred at his desk until the door opened. Scott came in and sat down on a chair in front of him.

Scott was supposed to be his best friend, but best friends don't rip best friends from peace so he wasn't exactly happy with him. But no matter how many times Stiles had told him to go away either by body language or other means Scott just kept coming back and staying with him until his Dad came home.

"How are you doing Stiles?" and he always asked that damn question! Stiles purposely didn't look at him at all. Scott sighed.

"Stiles, why won't you just tell me why you won't talk to me or anyone for that matter." he hadn't spoken a single word since being ripped out of peace. He had no desire to speak to those that ripped him from his peace. Not to mention he couldn't talk at all. He had tried a few times in his room when he was completely alone, but no sounds had come out. Every time he woke from a nightmare which was every time he tried to sleep, when he should have screamed he always woke up with no sounds coming out of his mouth.

"You know you're the one who supposed to be filling up the silence not me." Stiles rolled his eyes. They kept saying things like this too, like they expected him to be exactly who he was before, they didn't seem to get that he wasn't that Stiles anymore.

"Stiles I wish you would talk to me say anything." Stiles stared resolutely down at his desk. Before this would have bothered him seeing Scott trying so hard and still turning him down it didn't now. He felt empty, numb.

"Stiles please." and he kept interrupting his thoughts as well. Stiles looked up from the desk at Scott right in the eyes glaring at him. Scott looked at him with exactly the same look his Dad had the same look everyone had every time they came to see him, only Scott and his Dad had more guilt in their gaze.

"Stiles." he couldn't take it anymore, if pattern followed someone in the pack, and Lydia would come over and stare at him uncomfortably for a few minutes before making a lame excuse to leave. He really didn't want to that again today.

He got up from his desk and made his way into the bathroom where he locked the door and sat against the door. He stared at the blue tile on the bathroom floor. He ran his hand over the surface lightly again and again. A few minutes later coming from the outside of the door again came Scott voice. His annoying grating voice.

"Stiles come on please come out." He wasn't going to come out, he was tired, he wanted to rest and they were constantly interrupting his thoughts, they may not always be pleasant thoughts in fact they rarely were but they were his thoughts dammit!

"Stiles please." Stiles opened his mouth to tell him to shut up and to go away only to remember that he couldn't seem to speak. Instead he threw his head against the door lightly in frustration. A slight pain rang through this head, it was kind of nice, it was distracting.

"Stiles." there Scott voice came again, chasing anyway any pleasant thoughts he managed to gather. Stiles got an idea he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it earlier. He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket, which he kept there more out of practice then anything since he hadn't actually talked. Stiles send Scott a text message.

_Go away_

"Why won't you talk to me?" Scott asked after a long moment. Stiles starred back at his cellphone. He could tell him the truth but he didn't want anyone to know what he had gone through, and there was still a small a very small part but there enough to not want to tell Scott that he had taken him away from peace. So all he wrote was.

_Go away_

_ "_Stiles I'm not leaving you." Scott said. Stiles closed his eyes tightly then opened them back again as memories flowing again. That's why he couldn't sleep either, every time he closed his eyes the memories came. Stiles would have felt comfort before with Scott being there with him, but all he felt now was empty, hallow and full of fear. If Scott wouldn't leave, that he would just have to do his best to block him out, and he did his best to do that for the rest of the day.

A/N: Sorry I got writer's block on this so it might take me awhile to update again.

Review Please :)


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

A/N: Did you order your chapter heavy on the angst? If so I've got it hot and ready for you.

Stiles eyelids felt like they were made of lead. Which was why they kept sliding closed again and again. He blink a few times then went back to the math problem. He had never really been a fan of math ever before in his life. But now math, math was simple, in that there was only numbers, no ideas, just numbers and there was something about there only being right answers and wrong ones that was so definite.

He was supposed to be asleep he supposed, it was after midnight after all. How much after midnight it was he didn't know having turned his red glaring alarm clock towards the wall. He couldn't sleep though...no that wasn't quite correct, he wouldn't' sleep, he was pretty sure he could from the way his eyes kept closing. He didn't want to sleep because they were always there in his dreams and he didn't want to see them.

Stiles took another handful of caffeine pills, and dry swallowed them, he was popping them like they were candy. It wasn't good for him, he knew that but honestly didn't care. He hadn't slept more then 2 hours a night since he had been able to sneak out and buy himself caffeine pills his first week back in this stupid world. He looked at the bottle and shook it, he was going to have to sneak out soon again and buy himself some more caffeine pills.

Since he was on the train of thought of things that were bad for him, he thought of some other things he was doing that was bad for him. Stiles was only eating the bare minimum of what he had to, and had gotten experienced on ways to hide what he wasn't eating. It was easy in the morning because his father had to leave and Stiles could usually throw out something he had only taken a few bites of. It was harder at dinner time because both Scott and his Dad both watched him like a hawk and so he had to come up with other ways to hide it. Yeah it wasn't good for him, he knew that, and his body was weaker then it used to be, but he didn't care, food smelt terrible, and food tasted terrible in a way it had never had before.

He heard the window open and someone coming in. Stiles schooled his features and looked up, he fully expected to see Scott standing there looking at him disapprovingly and was surprised to see Derek standing there instead. He hadn't seen Derek since waking up, though Scott had told him that he had come while he had been away, and had pointed out Derek's signature on his cast. Stiles just starred at Derek who starred back at him. No one talked for a long moment. Stiles knew that he usually started the conversations but he wasn't going to now he didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Stiles." Derek said. Stiles merely looked at him, most people found it unnerving and would leave him be soon after, he wasn't sure how well it would work on Derek who had mastered the stare as well.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Stiles rolled his eyes, like Derek had ever cared about his well being before. He didn't have Derek cell phone number so couldn't text him so he just pointed to his math book.

"Your not in school yet, Issac told me." Derek said. Stiles took his notebook he had been writing his answers in, and went to a blank sheet of paper and tore it out of his notebook. He wrote down

_I know but I have to get caught up before I go back to school _and showed it to Derek who looked at it with his stoic gaze.

"He also said you weren't talking." Stiles rolled his eyes again, since when did Derek care about him. He flipped the sheet over and wrote.

_ Laryngitis, since when did you care? _Stiles flipped up the sheet so that Derek could read it. Derek looked at him and then down to the ground and Stiles knew he struck a nerve. Derek liked to pretend that he didn't care at all about anyone. Stiles hid a smile he knew how to make him go away. He tore out a fresh sheet of paper.

_Maybe since your here anyways and in the sharing and caring mood we can hug, then hold hands and sing kumbaya. _Stiles held up the paper hoping that he had made his point very clear. Derek eyes read his noted he looked decidedly a little uncomfortable but surprisingly his feet stayed put. Maybe Derek thought Stiles actually wanted to do what he had written. Stiles needed to make it more clear underneath his other statement he wrote.

_Go away Derek I'm not in the mood for visitors _There was no way to mistake this for anything other then it was. Still even after Derek's eyes finished scanning it he made no indication that he was planning on moving.

_ I mean it Derek get out _he wrote and showed it to Derek again who still didn't look like he was planning to move. Stiles smiled grimly fine if he wanted to play it like that. He wrote.

_ Or I guess if you want to stay we can share our feelings you start how did it feel when your uncle Peter killed your sister? _Derek eyes took in his written words and then he glared at him, his eyes going alpha red. Yeah what Stiles had written was below the belt but he didn't care, besides he had asked him nicely to go away first.

Stiles ideally wondered why he wasn't scared, Derek could rip his throat out and it was possible he might after what he had said to him, but he had said it anyways. Stiles realized he didn't care. He didn't care if Derek ripped his throat out, at least it would end it all. Derek merely turned his back and left through the window. Stiles starred after him for a long moment wondering if maybe he wanted Derek to tear his throat out or if had just wanted him to leave. Stiles shook his head it didn't matter nothing did anymore, he got back to his math.

Review please :)


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Scott looked down at his cellphone seemingly unimpressed.

"Nice one there a real zinger." he said he tried to hide how hurt the comment made him but he wasn't able to. Stiles should feel bad, he knew he should, Scott was his best friend it should make him feel bad knowing the kind of stuff he had said to him but he didn't he was only mad. Why wouldn't Scott just leave him alone everyone else had, well except for his Dad.

He had taken his idea with Derek and brought into use with the all the people who kept coming over and starring at him. Jackson had been the easiest all he had to do was ask him to stop coming and he did, he hadn't even had to bring out the big guns. With Alison, and Lydia he did it and it had had the desired effect they, no longer came over. All he had to deal with his Dad and Scott.

Stiles starred at the ceiling now going to go with ignoring, since scaring him off hadn't worked yet again. It would only be a few more hours until Scott had to go home. Although in another hour, his dad would be home and he'd have to deal with the two of them until they finally left him alone. He hated these hours where they would sit there and try to connect with him. He really hated it. He heard someone ring the doorbell and frowned. He had chased Derek, Lydia, Alison, and Jackson away who was left. It could be any of the betas or maybe Danny.

"I'll go get it." Scott said after a long moment and Stiles just kept starring at the ceiling. He was going to be alone just for a few minutes, but he enjoyed it until he two sets of footsteps came to a stop. He didn't look towards the door not caring who was there.

"Stiles, Issac's here." Stiles gave no indication that he had heard him and continued starring at the ceiling.

"Stiles?" Scott tried again. "You sure you want to talk to him?" he asked Issac quietly. Stiles didn't hear a response.

"Alright I'll be downstairs, call me if you need anything and Stiles could you...you know not a jerk to Issac." Stiles gave no sign that heard him, and then heard footsteps heading towards the door and then it closing.

"Stiles." Issac said and Stiles ignored him. "Stiles." he said again and this time he decided to respond. He always went with the nice answer first, maybe he would heed it before he went not so nice. He grabbed his notebook that was besides him and wrote.

_Issac I don't want to talk to you go away_." he lifted up the page so that Issac could see it but didn't look at him. He didn't hear any footsteps and knew that Issac wasn't leaving.

_You heard Scott Issac, if you don't leave I'm going to get mean_ he wrote and lifted it up as well still starring at the ceiling. Still no footsteps.

"I understand." Issac said then paused. "I understand wanting to push people away." he said. "You know my past with my Dad, you know what he did to me." Stiles did and he took a deep breath in but continued to ignore him. "I know what it's like to want to push people away, for me I didn't want to admit how weak I was, to let my father hurt me to not fight back." Stiles could hear the emotion in his voice he was close to crying but Stiles ignored it. Issac took in a deep breath and then his voice was steadier. "I understand that. But what you have to understand is that they stay away, you push them away enough they'll stay away. I had friends before my Dad started hurting me and I pushed them away, and when I really needed them they weren't there for me. Don't make the same mistake." Stiles considered Issac words for a few moments and then wrote something on his notebook and lifted it up.

_I don't need anyone I just want to be left alone. _ There was a few moments of silence.

"Then you will be." Issac said and then his footsteps started moving away from him quickly. Stiles starred at the ceiling and shook his head, he didn't need anyone, he didn't want anyone and if they all left him he wouldn't miss them. All he wanted was to be left alone, and for the pain to go away. He heard steps coming toward him again and he wondered if Issac forgot something.

"Stiles what did you say to him?" Stiles wrote something on a piece of paper then got up from the bed and pressed the paper into Scott's chest, before he made his way to the bathroom again and closed and locked it. On the other side of the door Scott took the paper from the chest and looked at what it said.

_Leave me alone_

Review please :)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf which is probably a good thing seeing as how I love to torture/break down my favorite characters.

Warnings: some of the future warnings from several chapters ago are now coming to fruition.

_ The door squeaked open, Stiles opened his eyes or tried to but his left eye was swollen shut, however he still got a good enough view of who was coming in. It was her, he did his best not make a sound even though all he wanted to do at the moment was cry out loud. He laid on the floor with his back facing the air, because if he did it for her instead of forcing her to move him it usually was shorter, the same went for if he was silent throughout it. The whole being silent thing was hard not because he had the urge to talk because he didn't really anymore. The hard thing was he had to bit his lip hard enough to make his lip start bleeding just he wouldn't make it worse. _

Stiles shot up a silent scream roaring from his still throat. He looked around the room quickly, and reassured himself that he wasn't there any longer. That they were no longer hurting him, even though they have left him damaged, so very damaged. Stiles squeezed his eyes tightly. Against the silent tears. He hated himself, he hated himself for being so weak, so damn weak.

He got out of bed and started to make his way to the bathroom. He didn't take his crutches, he never did unless they were starring at him. He noticed on the way that his leg didn't hurt anymore when he walked on it. He pressed his leg down heavily to the ground and it felt fine. No. He felt his arm it was fine too. Great even that consistency was gone and then he made in to the bathroom where he promptly threw up. His dad had made his eat yesterday while he watched, apparently he had noticed that he hadn't been eating much lately. He actually thought the food was going to stay down, of course that was before the nightmares. Which was why he didn't like eating, whenever he woke up he felt like throwing up. After throwing up, he cupped his hands under the sink and filled them with water which he tilted into his mouth and swished around and then spit into the sink.

He caught his reflection in the mirror and stared at himself. He looked a little thinner, he guessed and there were few light scars Cutter had usually stayed away from his head, he said the head wounds bled a lot and wanted to earn the blood. He stared at his face, he scowled at his image. How was it that after everything he looked the same as before, surely something should have changed on the outside to show the change inside him. But he looked the same, anger grew in him, how could he have not changed. He slammed his fist into the mirror. The mirror cracked a few pieces falling into the sink the rest stubbornly staying on.

He looked at himself in the broken glass and that's exactly how he felt. He felt broken shattered. Only something was different now the pain, the inner pain was receding a bit why was that? He looked at his fist, one of his knuckles had a big piece of glass imbedded in it.

It hurt he stared at his fist in fascination, the feeling it brought him it was the closest to the place he had been. Ever since was torn away from it by his so called friends and family he had wanted it back. He used his other hand to touch the glass in his injured hand, he used it pull the glass out of his hand. When he pulled out the pain ratcheted up, only this pain was different. It wasn't the kind of pain they had inflicted on him, it was pain he had inflicted on himself. He was the one in control of how much pain he had felt and the pain it made him feel better. He had to make sure. He rolled down his long sleeves and exposed a section of scars, he would be making his scars this time. Not somebody else, that give him a feeling of power, of being able to take something back. He drug the broken glass over his skin and reveled in it, he was in control and it felt great.

A/N: I do not condone or recommend self-injury to anyone.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

A/N: Again I don't recommend or condone self-injury.

Stiles woke up and everything felt slightly better today after last night, he even managed to fake a smile on his face. He had control now, he made the scars now, he wasn't all the way better but he had control, he could handle it which meant he would be able to fake it better then he had up to this point. Fake that he didn't hate them for taking away his peace. He got out of bed and made his way down the stairs and into his Dad who starred at him intensely. Why was he starring at him?

"Stiles are you smiling?" his Dad asked and he nodded. His Dad smiled as well and Stiles knew that he was pulling it off. He sat down at the table he didn't want to eat but his Dad would be gone before he got too far into his meal, he could choke down a few bites. He put the chocolaty cereal in his mouth and chewed it softly, it still taste like ash but he was more able to pretend like it tasted good. He nodded his head as he eat like it tasted good which it didn't. His Dad looked at him dumbfounded. Stiles took phone and texted his father..

_ I'm sorry_ he wrote out and showed it to his Dad. He knew he should be sorry, and a small sliver or him that was reactivated by last night activities was sorry. His Dad smiled at him but it looked strained and part of him actually cared that he had hurt his father with the things which he had said. He didn't like this feeling and he wanted for it to go away he used to his other arm to feel where he had made the cut and pressed down on it. The feeling of pain rushed back feeling with peaceful feelings again.

"I have to go to work we'll talk about it when I get home okay." Stiles nodded still happy with the pain. His father got up from the table and left the room. Stiles felt ridiculously happy until his father came back into the room again.

"Stiles what happened to your mirror?" that took a little of his buzz off as he worried that his Dad would find out about it and take it away from him. Then remembered that he had cleaned it up last night. Stiles took out his phone and texted him. "You fell into because you were lightheaded coming out of the shower." his dad asked him Stiles shrugged.

"Alright you've got eat more." Stiles shrugged again like he was agreeing, he would eat if he had to, his new method for coping was worth having to shove more food into himself. To show that he was trying he shoveled a few more mouthfuls of his cereal then he usually tried to. His Dad nodded and said.

"I got to go Stiles but there's something that we have to talk about tonight okay, so when I get off of work we're going to talk." Stiles nodded. He didn't want to talk he didn't want to do anything but he would to keep his Dad from finding out about it and taking it away from him.

"Good." he said then nodded then left the room and Stiles waited until five minutes after he heard the car pulling away before emptying out his bowl in the sink and rinsing it out. Everything was going to better now it had to be.

~.~

Stiles did his best to interact with Scott when he came over even though all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and be left alone. Scott had even smiled before he had left and he had left early. He should have started pretending much much earlier. He was able to have a whole hour to himself when his dad had come home early.

"Stiles we need to talk." he had called from the other side of his shut door. Then had opened it and sat down on his bed next to him.

"You've already missed too much school and I told them that you aren't ready to go back yet but they think... well their shrinks say that it'll be good for you for things to go back to normal." Stiles frowned confused what was his father talking about

"They're making you go back to school. "Stiles looked down at the ground and nodded. He knew that it would happen eventually. Although it was the last place he wanted to be with all the people and the touching and talking. He just hoped that he new method of coping would get him though the day.

"If you not ready we can do home schooling."on the surface that seemed like a better idea but he'd rather spend 8 hours at school with strangers then the same amount of time around his Dad and Scott and whoever they'd try to get to watch him. He shook his head and grabbed his cell phone and texted his Dad.

_No I'll go to school. _His dad looked at him incredulously.

"Are you sure?" he asked concerned. "I mean just yesterday you..." he trailed off. Stiles nodded he knew what he had done yesterday, he had been constantly hurling insults at him trying to get him to stop talking to him.

_I'm sorry for all the crap I've been throwing at you lately._ he texted even though he didn't really mean it. He wasn't really sorry except for the small part of him that was easily sated by pain he still hated them for taking him away from peace. However he had found a new peace and to keep it he was going to have to pretend like everything was okay. Or at least that he was able to function like a fairly normal human being and that unfortunately meant school so that was what he was going to do, and hopeful his secret would get him through it.

Review please :)


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Warnings: self-injury, and I guess kind of an eating disorder as well(which I didn't really plan on it just kind of came into being). I advise against both and recommend neither.

His father didn't exactly accept his new attitude as easily as Scott had. He figured that was because Scott had just been happy to have Stiles back, but his father was a cop and had instincts that something was still wrong with him. Hopefully he would be able to shut those cop instincts down in time.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" his father asked him again. Stiles was in the passenger's seat of his Dad's vehicle and staring at the school again. He didn't want to be there, kids were going to stare, kids we're going to ask him questions and they were going to stare even more when they figured out that Stiles couldn't talk to them. He had tried again that morning hoping to be able to talk and make everyone less likely to stare at him, but it hadn't really worked out. He figured though he could be damaged but still functioning well enough that everyone would back off him.

He winced as he realized since he was going to school he was also going to have to fake make-up with everyone else. He also knew that he couldn't cause himself to bleed while he was in the class of any of the werewolves, because they would undoubtedly smell the blood. He knew though what he had to do, he knew that smiling right now was not the right thing to do and would only put his Dad on notice that something was wrong.

Stiles nodded in answer to his Dad's question and opened the door. He left the car and looked at the school. The last time he was here he had been training with Scott to become a better lacrosse player. He had the memory, he remembered it clearly, yet it still seemed like that that memory had happened to another person and he just happened to have those memories.

"Stiles." he winced knowing that voice he turned around to see Scott looking at him with concern. "Stiles are you okay?" he asked concerned. Again he knew smiling was the wrong answer and instead just nodded.

~.~

It had only been 3 hours how had it only been 3 hours? It had seemed like much longer, and yet he still had the same amount to go until he could go home. He was sitting down at lunch picking at his pizza, but not really eating it. He was sitting with Scott who was staring at him, everybody stared at him, everybody was always staring at him, students, teachers, most with pity looks on their face. He didn't really didn't like the stares but since he couldn't talk he couldn't really say anything about it. He heard some people sit down and winced as he saw Lydia and Jackson sit down on left side of Scott. He really didn't want to deal with more people, especially Lydia who his words had hurt. He supposed he should say he was sorry but at the moment all he wanted was relief, but he couldn't not here. He texted her.

_ I'm sorry about what I said before I was mad but what I said was uncalled for. _

It was all true except for the part that he said he was sorry for it. He saw her picked up her phone as it vibrated and read it and look at him. Honestly he wanted her to be like he remembered her, ignoring his existence, instead her face softened.

"I know it must be hard going through what you went through." Stiles winced not liking the reminder and wanting nothing more then to dig something sharp into his skin, but he couldn't because Jackson, and Scott were siting across from him. "I forgive you, but this is your one freebie you won't get another one." Lydia said kind of snippy, which was understandable because what Stiles said about her parents, and about the fact that they were never around. Stiles nodded like he really cared that he was forgiven. After he apologized conversation resumed at the table.

Stiles noticed that Scott and Jackson never actually talked to each other, but both talked to Lydia. Sometimes they tried to keep him in the conversation by asking him questions, but mostly they just talked amongst themselves which he liked because it gave him a break.

Soon the lunch period was over and he made his way to class. The class didn't have Scott, but it had Issac and Lydia, Issac who would be able to smell it and Lydia who insisted that she sit by him. Through out the entire class period he wasn't thinking about the class he was in, he was just thinking about how much he hated werewolves. Hated the fact their their heightened sense of smell kept him away from the only thing that made him feel good anymore.

It seemed like an eternity before school let out, and even then to Stiles irritation Scott insisted on driving him home. Even after wards it was hours of Scott talking about any and everything under the sun that had absolutely no interest to Stiles. It was a real relief when Scott finally went home even through it was only because his father's was there.

They had a very awkward dinner of pizza. Pizza used to make his mouth water but now it made his stomach roil, all food seemed to have that effect on him lately. That was probably because he threw it up nearly every night though. He had starting wearing baggy, long sleeved shirts and jeans to hide from everyone the new scars and how much weight he had lost, because if they knew they would try to make him eat more; which would just be even more food to throw up later. Stiles took another bite of his pizza and chewed it very slowly. He had only eaten half of his piece. Wow was it possible he had only eaten half? He had to eat at least 1 and ½ pieces, his father had told him that was how much he had to eat before he could be excused.

After Stiles lie about the mirror, his dad brought food home every day and told him how much he had to eat before he could go back upstairs. Even after his Dad was finished with his own food, he would sit and stare at Stiles until he finished how much he was supposed to. Stiles was just glad that his Dad was a heavy sleeper and that he had never heard him at night or else he would be in deep trouble.

It took Stiles a very painful 45 minutes to eat 1 ½ pieces of pizza, all with his Dad staring at him. He had looked up tricks on how to hide it online, but he couldn't really use them with his father staring at him like that. So instead he had to eat no matter how terrible the food tasted in his mouth. He was finally excused and made his way to his room.

His dad was worried about him and so a new unwritten and unspoken rule had been established. The door to his room was to remain open until he went to sleep. This rule had been established because every time Stiles shut his door his father would open it, he was pretty sure his father just wanted to see him every time he passed by his room. Stiles spent the night until he felt tired doing homework, he was able to get out of himself for a little while, get his mind stuck in facts and math, and he did so until he got tired enough he put himself to bed.

_ Stiles screamed in agony as cutter sliced through his skin on his shoulder several inches down his chest. His blood pouring out of him in little streams, staining further the already stained floor, and making the floor slippery, not that it mattered because he was laying down on his back. _

_ "Stop it! Stop it! I'm sorry I'll do whatever you want just stop it!" the sad fact that he meant it, to end the pain he would do whatever they wanted, WHATEVER they wanted. Cutter just smiled and continued to slice into his skin all the while Stiles screamed in agony. _

Stiles shot up from his bed in a silent scream, he couldn't even scream the way he wanted to. He go to his feet quickly as his stomach gave it's usual reaction to his nightmares, he hurried down the hall as quick as he could while making as little noise as possible and promptly allowed his stomach to do what it did.

After cleaning himself up he stared at himself in the new mirror that his dad had just had installed. Honestly Stiles had been hoping it would take a long longer to fix so he wouldn't have to stare at himself in his own mirror, but stare he did at his pale thin gross body that couldn't even defend himself against humans. He should have fought back instead of cowering, and just hoping that someone would be coming to rescue him, he should have rescued himself but he had been too weak. He wanted to break the mirror again, but he knew his dad would only make him eat more besides he had something just as good. He bent down to the bottom on the sink where he took the item he taped under there a the day after the mirror had been fixed.

He stared at the shard of glass from the old mirror that he had kept as it sliced into his finger just from holding it, it was wickedly sharp. Stiles grinned at the feeling of his blood dripping down his finger. He put the shard exactly where cutter had in his nightmare, on his shoulder he could see exactly where it had been because of the white scar that still marred his body. Stiles brought the shard down on his skin and pulled it along the preexisting scar. Blood bubbled up from the cut and started flowing down his chest. He reveled in the pain of the cut and how it seemed to take away all his other pain, and guilt and sorrow it gave him an elated feeling. Not to mention now the cut once it healed would longer be Cutter's scar but his own, he grinned at his reflection.

Review please :)


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Warnings: still self-injury, and eating problems which still I don't recommend or encourage.

He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all. His father after giving him a week to "get adjusted" to eating dinner had told Scott about his little problem with food and Scott had stared at him until he had ate half of his meal. It had tasted like ash going down, now was churning in his stomach and had been doing so for ten minutes. He really really did not like this. His eyes darted around the classroom.

Only Issac was in this class with him, his only class of the day where he only had one of them in his class. He couldn't hold it down much longer. He quickly scribbled down something on a blank sheet of paper and made his way to the front of the classroom. He didn't like how everyone in the class was staring at him like he was some kind of freak, even though he knew he was. He held up his note to Mrs. Franklin his English teacher who was about the same age as his Dad and wearing a dress that looked about as old his grandma would have been if she were still alive. Her eyes moved to the note in his hand and she nodded. The only good thing about this was his teachers were very accommodating now, he could leave during a test when no one else was allowed to go.

However they had just been reading and even if he hadn't been him the freak he still probably would have been able to go. He nodded his thanks and made his way out of the room trying to go at the normal pace. However once he was in the hall he gave up all pretenses. He tried to run flat out, but apparently the lack of nutrients in his body made it incredibly difficult for him. The best he could manage was a slow jog, he made his way as quickly as he could into the bathroom. He checked all the stalls in the bathroom not wanting anyone to be a witness or someone who could tell on him. When he found the room was devoid of all lifeforms except for himself, he allowed his stomach to do what it wanted.

His head kind of swam for a moment afterwords and the dizziness brought him to his knees. Great apparently even when he didn't have nightmares his stomach would no longer accept food,.Which admittedly was probably his fault since he never ate during the day except for a few bites of cereal and then all night then threw it all up. His stomach was probably programed to throw up any significant amount of food that he ate. He had also thrown up his breakfast before Scott had come to get him this morning.

That probably wasn't good, if anyone found out about the whole food thing then it wouldn't take them long to find out about the cutting. No one could find out about the cutting because it was the only thing getting him through his day. He wished that his body would just let him eat even though he didn't like the food, he wished he could keep it down. He was weak and sluggish all the time and had fainted once after cutting but only for a few minutes...so it wasn't really serious. Still if it had been longer then his Dad could have possibly found him lying on the floor, bleeding and that would have been the end. He would have been shipped off to some mental hospital where they would try to make him talk about his feelings, he didn't want to talk about his feelings, he wanted to bury them so deep inside himself that they never saw the light of day again along with his memories.

Stiles stared at the floor of the bathroom knowing that he had to make his way back to class soon or else the teacher and possibly even Issac would notice. If Issac thought something was wrong with him he'd probably being the good little dog he was pass it on to Scott or Derek. Derek had mostly stayed away from him since what he had said to him. Derek would have been a hard nut to crack if he were interested in all in cracking him.

He got up on his feet a little shakily and flushed the toilet. He made his way out of the stall and to the mirror over the sink and stared at himself. He wasn't sure why he kept staring at his reflection when he knew that he would never again like what was staring back at him. He was so weak, so utterly weak. He wanted to cut, he wanted to cut so bad, but the best he could do was to dig his fingernails into the soft skin on his wrists.

Stiles then got an idea, he couldn't bleed but that didn't mean that he couldn't hurt himself. He looked around the room to make sure of it's emptiness before he delivered a hard blow with his fist to his leg. Then he did it again and again until it hurt enough for the pain to go away. He grinned, he didn't know why he hadn't thought of this earlier.

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	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

A/N: I've been inspired lately so I'm going to be posting every other day for a little bit.

He stared at the blackboard he knew what his math teacher was talking about, in fact he was ahead of his math class so there was no point in paying attention. He instead jammed the tip on his barely sharp enough to write pencil into the palm of his hand. He drove it in hard enough for it to hurt slightly but not hard enough for it to bleed since Scott was right next to him and he was sure to notice the smell.

The bell rung and he blinked as he realized that school was finally over for the day. Scott looked at him and smiled at him in that I-really-feel-pity-for-you-but-I'm-trying-very-uns uccessfully-not-to-show-it kind of way, he really hated that smile. Stiles faked a small smile back, a little worried that he was smiling too widely but Scott didn't seem concerned so he was probably pulling it off.

"So what do you want to do?" Scott ask him and he stuffed all of his stuff back into this backpack, Stiles did the same taking a longer time to do so, so he had more time to come with an expression that he thought he should have. What he wanted to do was go home alone, but it wasn't like he could ask Scott for that especially after his Dad told Scott about his little eating thing and Scott kept forcing him to eat half his lunch.

Scott also had been extra suffocating since then telling him all the time if he ever wanted to talk about anything he was there. If Stiles ever needed a shoulder to cry on he was there? If he ever needed someone to hold his hand while he went to the bathroom he had no doubt that Scott would be there. His Dad was annoyingly the exact same way, always there. saying he could talk to him about anything and that he would listen. The both of them always giving him hugs all the time for absolutely no reason other then they thought it would comfort him. Not seeming to realize that he didn't want them, and didn't like them. Nothing comforted him anymore except pain. He would pound on himself at school and at home in the bathroom but at night after his Dad went to bed he would go back to cutting.

Stiles merely shrugged as he zipped up his backpack.

"Come on we can do whatever you want." Scott said trying to get him excited but Stiles couldn't seem to feign the excitement. It had been harder lately to fake things, he had less energy to do so and wanted to less. The only reason he faked as much as he did was so that could keep his coping mechanism.

"Come on, anything, no matter how stupid or dumb." Scott tried again. Stiles just shrugged again.

"Stiles I wish you would tell me what's bothering you, it's not healthy keeping it all bottled up inside yourself." Scott said sincerely. The small amount of caring that cutting had given him had pretty much all washed away. In fact he had to cut a lot more or a lot deeper to get the same feeling.

"Stiles." Scott was annoying Stiles thought and fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Stiles anything." he doubted anything, he doubted if he asked Scott to let him cut he'd say "yeah okay." but just to get him to stop continuously talking he texted him.

_Let's watch a movie._ Scott would have to shut up for 2-3 hours if they watched a movie and there was slight tiny possibility that he could be interested in it. Scott nodded vigorously and Stiles slid into the passenger's seat of the jeep. Scott was driving him around in his jeep since Scott still didn't have his own car yet and there were some legal issues with Stiles driving, not to mention Scott liked to drive him places probably made him feel useful in some way.

~.~

One and a half hours later Scott had fallen asleep while watching the movie, which was why Stiles picked a nature documentary knowing it tended to have that effect on Scott. Stiles snuck away to the bathroom, he still couldn't bleed with Scott in the house but he could hit himself. He went into the bathroom, closed the door, locked it he removed his shorts and looked down at the bruises on his legs. There were a variety of them, all in different stages of healing, he covered himself up as he realized there weren't any good empty spaces for him. Instead he pressed them and pressed them hard, smiling when he got the right level of pressure on them.

He took off his shirt and saw the new cuts on his chest and checked to see how they were healing. His chest was covered in a variety of white healed scars, pink healing scars and variety of healing cuts. He knew which one of them was his and which was were Cutter's. He hated the ones that were Cutter's but revered the one that were his. It was strange how he could change something so ugly into something that was his, and his alone. He had changed about half the cuts on his chest from Cutter's to his. Eventually he planned to do all of them, maybe then he would stop feeling like a freak, a monster if he could stop seeing the physical reminders every time he looked at himself in the mirror.

"Stiles are you in there?" Scott asked softly while knocking lightly on the door. Stiles buttoned up his shirt and went over and flushed the toilet making it seem like that was what he was doing the whole time, to complete the charade he turned on the sink for a long moment then turned it off. He waited a few more moments then walked out of the bathroom He caught a glimpse of the clock on his way out it was only 6 only about 4 more hours till he could find relief again.

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	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Yet again he skipped out during English as he had done so for the past 4 weeks in order to let his stomach do what he had programmed it to do. His throat was pulsing with pain which was a somewhat recent development. He wished he could stop throwing up, but food still tasted terrible and his Dad and Scott still made him eat more then his stomach seemed to be able to order to actually fix it he would have to tell them about his problem which wasn't going to happen.

He took out his tooth brush and set about brushing his teeth using a lot more force then necessary and causing his gums to bleed. Stiles smiled slightly at his blood filled smile. He wanted more. He hit himself solidly once only to realize that he had hit the same area that he had cut last night. His hit had broken the scab and blood was now trailing lightly from the wound. It was staining his jeans but at the moment he didn't care, all he liked to feel was the feeling of pain and flowing blood. He closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling only for it to be broken by the sound of the bathroom door opening. That in and of itself wasn't odd especially since he was in a stall and hidden from view but it was the voice that stole his happiness away and particularly what the voice said.

"Stiles are you in here? Stiles?"

Sorry it's so short but the next one should be posted tomorrow review please :)


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Oh crap it was Isaac and he was a werewolf. Stiles immediately flushed the toilet then grabbed a wad of toilet paper and quickly pressed it against his leg. Issac footstep kept coming closer.

"Stiles, Stiles are you okay?" crap he knew it was him" "...are you...are you bleeding?" Stiles heart started hammering in his chest, he tried to calm it down knowing that Issac would be able to hear the difference but he couldn't. Stiles heard Issac footsteps coming slowly closer toward the door of the stall and tried his hardest to get his heart beat to calm white at the same time trying to get the blood all onto the toilet paper neither things were going very well. Suddenly the door slammed opened and Stiles flung the bloody toilet paper into the toilet and looked up shocked. Issac was standing there taking in the whole scene and from the look on Issac face it looked like he had probably interpreted the situation correctly. He stared at him he hated that stare. He took out his cell phone and texted Issac phone number that Scott had given some time ago for emergencies.

_You ever learn to knock _Issac looked for a moment like he was going to ignore the text but picked up his phone and read it.

"Stiles what are you doing to yourself?"

_ Trying to use the bathroom but someone's knocking down doors. _Stiles stared at him pointedly, still hoping for some reason he could convince Issac to leave it alone and not tell anyone. However Issac looked down pointedly at his leg that was still bleeding a little bit.

"I meant that." Stiles wondered how he was going to lie his way out of this one.

"It's your blood on your leg and there's nothing sharp enough in this bathroom to cause a wound like that."

_I don't need your help go away _he furiously texted to Issac who looked down at his cell when it beeped and looked up unimpressed.

_ "_I...does Scott know?" Stiles refused to answer that question.

"No of course he doesn't." Issac answered his own question.

_ "_Why haven't you told him?" Stiles just stared at him defiantly, he was ruining everything, he had had everything under control why did he have to walk in?!

"Stiles why haven't you told him?!" he shouted and Stiles winced at the yelling, they always yelled. Besides if Issac got too loud Scott would hear him and come here and he would tell his Dad and it would be all over. Maybe if he confessed some of his feelings to Issac he wouldn't tell anyone what he saw.

_Because he wouldn't understand none of them w__ould__. _

"Stiles you need talk to them, what your doing to yourself it's not healthy. "

_Why should I care and why would I talk to them? __They don't understand they took me away _

"From what?"

_Peace. _Stiles texted, Issac looked confused.

_I had peace and they took it away. This is the closest I can get to it anymore and it wears off too soon. _

"Then why are you hiding it?" he asked like that meant that deep inside that this was all a cry for help when it wasn't.

_ Because they'll take it away too and then what will I have? _

"Stiles what happens if you cut too deep?" he asked worried and earnestly.

_Then I'll be there again._

"You don't mean. Do you want to die?"

_No. a_nswered Stiles after a long moment. _I don't know._ he amended when he realized Isaac knew he was lying.

"Stiles you have to tell someone." Issac said softly.

_ They'll take it away! _

"Maybe they need to, you need to be able to get through it, are you using anything else to help you get through it?"

_ YOU'RE NOT TELLING SCOTT! _Stiles typed in all capital letters to show how serious he was about that point.

"Stiles I have to, you need to talk to him, talk to your dad, I don't know how to deal with this." Issac said helplessly.

_You tell anyone and I will kill myself. _

"Stiles."

I_ will_

_Isaac you tell anyone then have to live with the fact that's it's your fault I'm dead for the rest of your life. _He texted and watched Issac face he looked torn about what to do.

_Promise me Issac. Promise me you won't tell Scott or anyone or I going to kill myself _he texted and hoped that he could manipulate Issac into not telling anyone what he saw.

"Okay." Issac agreed and walked out the door. Stiles watched him leave. Why did Issac have to follow him? He had ruined everything.

Review Please :)


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Despite the ultimatum he gave Issac, he knew that Issac was going to tell someone, it was just a matter of when. Stiles had taken his spare keys he kept in his backpack and went to the jeep he hadn't driven in awhile. Technically he wasn't supposed to drive it until he got checked out by a shrink and told that he was okay to drive. That was why Scott had been driving them both to and from school. He unlocked his car, got in and put the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. He wasn't really sure exactly where it was that he was going. All he knew was that he wanted it all to go away. The pain, the fear, the memories, the nightmares, he had it all under control until Issac saw Stiles for who he really was. Now it all in overdrive.

He came to the road he usually went down when he was going home and went the other way. He kept making turns going the way he usually wouldn't, and found himself going deeper and deeper into the forest. He got so lost in thought that when he rounded a curve he nearly hit a black SUV, he barely pulled away in time. He pulled off to the side of road breathing hard, just thinking of how close it had been. A foot more to the right and he would have hit the other car. He leaped out of the car, he may hate himself, he may hate everything about himself, but he didn't want to take anyone else out with him. Why was he thinking about taking himself out? He hadn't really thought about it before but Issac question swirled in his brain.

"Do you want to die?" he didn't want to live like he was anymore if you could call his life living, which he wasn't sure it qualified as that. He was a shell of who he once was, he used to be so snarky, so stupidly brave and now...now he was a shell, a husk of body. The only thing that gave him any joy in his life anymore was running a knife through his skin. What kind of existence was that?

He shut the door of his jeep and just started walking. He didn't care where he went, or the fact that it was steadily getting darker and he was a lot weaker then he used to be. As he walked he just thought of how pathetic he was. Stiles had spent 4 months hoping to escape his hell, only once he was out he had hide within himself and had carved his pain into his skin. They knew now, or would soon. They were going to try to get him to talk and try to expose him. Try to get him to talk about his memories, and the shell that he had become. He bit his lip hard enough so that it started to bleed, but it only gave him a little bit of relief. Silent tears started to fall blinding him momentarily until Stiles wiped the tears away.

After he wiped them away he spotted in the distance a bridge. He walked up a somewhat steep hill in order to get onto the bridge, he peered over the edge. He had realized that he had been going into the forest, but he hadn't realized he had been up in altitude. The bridge was bridging the gap between two edges of two cliff and it was a good thousand foot drop down. He couldn't help but continue to look down. He climbed up on the guardrails a bit to get a better look and found that it was indeed a very long way down. He climbed back down to the ground. There was something familiar about this bridge he thought. Unfortunately his brain wouldn't supply him with the memories so he dismissed the thought.

He leaned against the guardrail and slumped down against it, he suddenly realizing how tired he was. He had steadily lost a lot of weight lately and he hadn't exact been super beefy to begin with. He looked at the sky which steadily losing it's light. He knew how it felt, his light had left him months ago and he couldn't seem to get it back. It didn't seem possible to get it back. What was the point of anything anymore? He couldn't think of one answer. He used to care so much about everything and everyone but it was like they had stripped him of everything that used to be him. They had killed him and yet still left him alive. It would have been much kinder of them to have done what his Dad had done to their brother and just shot him. Instead they had destroyed him, maimed him, and made him into this. This freak, this ugly disgusting monster who couldn't even seem to communicate or care for those that he would have given his life for months ago.

He snorted, there was no point to any of this. No reason to keep suffering, he had just done it because he hadn't seen any other way to go about it, but Issac... Issac had opened his eyes. He didn't have to go through it anymore. There was no point in living if you can't feel alive. He got up from his sitting position and climbed up a bit onto the guardrail again looking down. As a way to go it wasn't bad. A short feeling of flying and then a very sudden death. The bridge was thousands of feet up from the ground, so it wasn't very likely that he would reach the ground and just paralyze himself or something. He climbed up a little further until he was at the top, he reached out to and grabbed one of the support beams. He heard something from behind him come up the road and nearly lost his grip as he turned around, he swallowed hard.

Review please :)

Additional Disclaimer: This is no point in living if you can't feel alive is a lyric from The World is not Enough from Garbage which I don't own either.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

A/N: I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to keep up my awesome updating pace hopefully a lot longer but I don't really know.

The something coming up the path was a car, more specifically it was Derek's Camaro. Once the car stopped three doors opened quickly and he saw Issac, Derek, and Scott looking at him. Scott started stepping forward.

"Stay back." he shouted surprised as his voice actually manifested itself this time, albeit very creakily from non use and it hurt quite a bit, probably from the vomiting. Scott didn't pay attention to him and stepped forward again. Stiles yelled.

"If any of you take another step towards me, I swear I'll jump." Scott stopped but looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Stiles please don't do this." Scott begged tears starting to appear in his eyes and Stiles felt his eyes doing the same.

"I...I have to do this." Stiles said his voice still creakily.

"Stiles no you don't...just climb down and we can deal with this." Scott pleaded with Stiles.

"You don't understand Scott! This will never get better! I'm broken! I'm shattered! You can never put all the pieces back together!"

"Stiles you don't know that."Stiles sobbed.

"Yes I do."

"Stiles we can deal with this together, like we've always done before."

"We can't, cause I'm not Stiles...I'm not him anymore and I don't think I can ever be again. This is all I am now, this person who's only joy in life is hurting himself. Seriously what kind of life it that? That's the kind of life you want to protect?" Scott looked away for a moment and then back.

"Stiles do you remember when we came up here when we we're kids?" Stiles frowned he knew it had looked familiar and then he remembered.

_Stiles had been very hyperactive little child, so Scott's Dad had once during summer vacation __taken__ the two of them camping. They had only driven for about an hour when Stiles had started getting antsy,. Scott's Dad __had gotten__ tired of having the back of his seat repeatedly kicked, __so he had__ pulled the car over to the side of the road. _

_ He had immediately shot out of the car like a bat out of hell. He had run along the side of the road back and forth for little bit. Scotts father afraid of the energy in Stiles and told him to hike a bit up the hill and they'd keep up with him in the car. Scott not wanting his hyperactive friend to walk alone had walked up the hill with him, even though he didn't have nearly as much energy as his friend had. _

_ They made it about midway when they came to a bridge, when they stopped because Scott was on the border of an asthma attack. He remembered forcing Scott to sit down on the bridge against the guardrail and waiting anxiously to see if Scott was going to have an asthma attack and being relieved when Scott breathed normally after awhile. He remembered all of this but not like they were his memories. _

"Scott it's like my entire life before happened to someone else, I have the memories but it...it doesn't feel like me." He wasn't sure how else to explain it. He remembered those memories but couldn't feel the emotional attachment the way that he used to. "I'm not Stiles...I can't feel the way that Stiles did it's like...they.."he sobbed and it kind of hurt his throat "They broke me Scott... and I don't think that you or anyone else can fix me."

"Will you at least let me try?" Scott begged tears flowing down his cheeks.

"There's nothing to try it won't work...I'm just too weak... too broken" Stiles said shaking his head.

"You don't know that for sure." Scott pleaded, but Stiles only shook his head again. Scott switched from looking at him to exchanging glances with Derek then nodded.

"You want to feel strong in control right?" Stiles nodded, he guessed that what he wanted, but there was no way to feel that. His arm was starting to get a little tired from holding body up by itself, in fact his whole body was started to feel tired.

"Then take the bite; because then you won't just feel just strong and in control with a little practice you will be strong and in control." Stiles frowned.

"What?" he asked confused, he hadn't even considered that. The bite would make him strong and able to defend himself. He had to admit that he was considering the idea. It would change him into a monster another part of him argued. But he was already a monster another part of him argued, at least this way he'd be able to defend himself against something like this happened again. He turned to look at Derek who he had hadn't really looked at since they had driven up, since he had been giving nearly all his attention to Scott. He tried to talk a few times before he was able to croak out to Derek.

"You agreed to this?"

"It was my idea." Stiles stared hard at him trying to decide if this was some sort of trap, one to try to get him to come down from the guardrail and then trap him in a rubber room.

"Why you don't even like me?"

"That's not true, he came to see you when you were still comatose." Scott said and Stiles remembered Scott telling him that some time ago. It was hard to pinpoint when since the days and years had recently all started blurring together.

"You're part of this world, you have been ever since you got involved, this will just make it more literal."

"What if it doesn't work? What if everything's the same?" this he asked to Scott.

"Then at least you won't have to worry about bleeding out if you slice too far." Stiles considered it, okay he would give it a try.

"Alright." he said and nodded. They looked at him expectantly and he realized that they wanted permission to come closer without him jumping, Stiles hesitated then nodded. They came closer to him and then Stiles reluctantly started climbing down. When he got to the bottom Scott arms encircled him he wished that he felt something, anything, but he didn't.

"Stiles it's going to be okay I promise." Stiles thought don't make promises that you can't keep. Scott unwrapped himself and Derek stepped forward eyes red and fangs out. Stiles nodded and offered up his arm to him. He wasn't scared, if he didn't survive at least he would get what he wanted. Derek bit his arm, the pain hit, he stared at the bite marks in his arm numbly. If he didn't die, he was going to be a werewolf but he was fine either way.

Review Please and don't kill me :)


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Stiles eyes opened and he took in his surroundings, he in was in the railway station. Why was he there? Suddenly it all came back to him, the bridge, the bite. He looked down at his arm where Derek had bit him the mark was gone and he seemed to feel fine. Was he a werewolf? Or was he like Lydia immune? He really hoped that wasn't the case. He had hoped that Scott was right and that he would feel better. He also remembered that apparently throwing up, then walking up a steep hill and holding on with one hand to a supporting beam for awhile was not good. When Derek had bitten him apparently the small amount of blood that he lost also caused him to lose consciousness.

He also remembered waking up for a brief moment in the back of Derek's Camaro, only to be told to go back to sleep by Scott. He sat up and looked around the room he spotted Derek and Scott talking in low voices. They were quite far away from him, but if he was a werewolf he should be able to hear him shouldn't he? Did he really care? It didn't matter because the next thing he heard was.

"Good you're up." coming from Issac who walked in behind him, Derek and Scott turned to face him. Derek face was a stone but Stiles could tell from Scott face that they had obviously been talking about him. Did he care? He found that a part of him did, apparently in trying to kill himself he had opened up a bit to that part of him that cared again. He didn't like it, he wanted it gone again, that way only lied more pain. He shook his head, that way lied Stiles, if he wanted to feel like himself again maybe he had to feel those emotions? He shook his head, he didn't want to, there was too much pain there. However going the way he had been going hadn't exactly been a picnic either.

He was conflicted, he didn't want to deal with the pain, but he also knew that going the way he had would only get him where he had been before. However if he was werewolf now the cutting would heal quicker, maybe he could still cope that way... only that wouldn't work now since everyone knew and they'd be watching him like a hawk. How was he going to survive this? Maybe he should have jumped when he had the chance. He jumped as he realized that all three of them were staring at him.

"Stiles how are you doing?" Scott asked. Stiles decided not to answer since he was pretty sure they didn't want to know that he was wondering if he should have killed himself after all.

"Stiles say something, I know you can talk now." Scott demanded and Stiles sighed.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said and looked down at his lap. He had an idea and ran his hands lightly over his legs, they didn't hurt. He bit his lip lightly, but not hard enough to draw blood. Did that mean that he was a werewolf? Did that mean all the wounds he had worked so hard to make were all just gone now? It wasn't like he could just check, not with the three of them staring at him the way that they were.

"Here eat this." Scott said throwing a granola bar at him which he caught. Stiles stared at it he still wasn't hungry, he was kind of hoping that everything would have just fixed itself once he had become a werewolf. If that was indeed what he was, the jury was still out on that one.

"Stiles you don't have to eat the whole thing but you are going to eat part of it." Scott said, Stiles sighed and opened the granola bar and took a bite of it. Still tasted like ash he found out disappointingly. He folded the edges back over the bar and put the rest in his pocket. Scott looked at him sadly but Stiles wasn't going to eat anymore, now that he didn't have to hide it anymore Stiles

didn't much find the point. He wasn't even sure why he had taken a bite in the first place.

Except...except that a small part of him that cared about the look that Scott was sending his way. He didn't like this...this caring it was making him feel guilt, he shook his head no...he set about trying to burying all his emotions again when he stopped. He picked back on the old thought. What if that was the problem? He buried emotions, both good and bad so that he didn't have to feel. So he didn't have to feel the pain, the guilt, the shame, no..no he had to hide from these feelings, these overwhelming feelings. What if the hiding from them was his problem? He felt so dissociated from himself that he didn't feel like himself, couldn't remember his memories with the properly associated emotions. How could he feel like himself when he didn't allow himself to feel at all? Stiles got up from whatever he was sitting on which appeared to be a bedroll. He felt all three werewolves eyes on him and he started to walk a very slow pace up and down. He didn't want to feel, but what if that was the only way? The only way to feel better was to be Stiles again.

"Stiles are you okay?" Scott asked, and Stiles ignored him, picking up his speed slightly. The next time Scott got in front of him and held him in place.

"Stiles are you okay?" he asked earnestly. How in the world could he make himself feel it when it was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do? The answer suddenly clicked into his mind.

"I have to go there." he said aloud.

"Go where?" Issac asked, but Stiles wasn't looking at him he was looking at Scott who seemed to understand what he was getting at.

"Stiles, I don't think that's a good idea." he said slowly shaking his head. Stiles shook his head.

"Scott I need to go there." Scott didn't understand. It wasn't like he wanted to go there, it was the last place in the world he wanted to go again, but he needed to he needed to see it. It was the only way to be better he had to feel it, no matter how much he didn't want to.

"Stiles I don't understand." Scott said honestly.

"I _need_ to go there Scott." he said again emphasizing the word need.

"Stiles." Scott tried again.

"Now." Stiles said again adamant and Scott finally nodded.

"Okay I think this is a bad idea but okay." he nodded again.

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	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf (which admittedly is probably a good thing since I like to torture my favorite characters a bit too much.)

He had only got about half way there when he really started to see Scott's point. Maybe this was a very very very bad idea. There had to be better ways of getting himself to feel again, then again he was no longer sure that he wanted to feel again. Maybe he should let Scott take him back and try to unsuccessfully get him to talk like he had been before. He felt empty though...shattered...not like himself...how could he ever feel something again when he pushed it all back. There was only one place where he would be unable to push it all back.

No...no...this was a bad idea. He felt as his fangs descended and his claws came out. He didn't like this. He opened the door in while the car was still moving and leaped out landing on his feet. He took a moment to admire his new werewolf reflexes, and the fact that he appeared in fact to be a werewolf before running into the woods. Using his new werewolf speed he ran for about five minutes before he stopped, not because he was out of breath just because he felt like it. These feelings, this pain he didn't like it, he didn't like at all. Plus now he had his own knifes attached to himself, he stared down at his claws which were still out. He wanted to test exactly how sharp they were. He tore off his shirt using his claws. He stared down at his chest, all of his previous healing wounds they were healed now.

He could change the rest of them right now. He used the claw on his pointer finger to dig into his skin enjoying the feeling of pain...only to realize how short the amount of time he was able to enjoy it as his skin started healing and the pain quickly went away. No, no this couldn't be happening. He slashed another one open only for the pain to go quickly away as well. He slashed several more and would have slashed more when a wolfed-out Scott come into his field of vision and pinned him against a tree. Scott had looked angry but Stiles knew that Scott was just worried about him. No, no he cared again, he didn't want to care again.

"Stiles you have to stop doing this to yourself." Scott said sadly.

"The pain.. it doesn't stay." Stiles said sadly.

"No it doesn't." Scott agreed.

"Scott I don't like this." Stiles admitted.

"We'll get through this." Scott said earnestly. He again tried to put the wall back up he wanted his non-emotional state back. He just barely managed to stop before he slipped too far into it. It wasn't done, he still had to go there, it was the only thing that could get him from going back there. Or might possibly permanently put him back in his happy place, that was actually preferable.

"We should get back to the car." Stiles said.

"Stiles we don't have to do this today." Scott said and Stiles shook his head.

"Yes we do." he insisted.

"Are you sure?"

"Not at all, but I can't battle it this way anymore." Scott nodded.

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	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen wolf.

Stiles's ears heard the wild thumping of his heart as they pulled into the driveway.

"We...uh had to burn it so the neighbor's wouldn't smell them." Scott said in barely a whisper but Stiles's new werewolf hearing heard it just fine. The house indeed was severely burned, but he could still smell it underneath all the soot and ash. Their smell, he hadn't even realized as a human what their smells had been but as werewolf he did. He could also smell blood lot of old blood, his blood.

"We can go...we should go." Scott said. Stiles shook his head.

"It's the only way." he said and opened his door slowly. He made his way up the driveway and paused at the first part of the burned building then stepped into it. The smell was overpowering but he focused on the smell rather then the memories. This was a bad idea cropped up in his head again and become his only thought. This is a bad idea...this is a bad idea. It played in his head like it was a song on repeat. He didn't like this...he should leave, yet, he found his body frozen.

He heard echoes of his cries from the beginning, back when he couldn't stop himself from doing so. He gasped as he felt himself unable to breathe as memories started closing on him, memories he didn't want to remember.

"Please stop! I didn't do anything!" he heard himself cry.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry just tell me what I can do to make you stop!" he heard himself screaming in pain. He broke out of his trance as he realized that his stomach was rebelling against the minor amount of food that he had ate. He ran out of the burnt house not realizing until he was out that he was in the backyard instead of the front yard. He barely had time to register that before his stomach refused to the keep the minor amount of food he had eaten in his stomach anymore.

He found himself on his hand and knees and felt the burn in his throat, although it wasn't as bad as it had been before. He he sat back on his legs for a long moment just breathing and heard footsteps from behind him. He could smell them now and knew just by smell that Derek, Issac and Scott were behind him. He heard one of them step forward and knew it was Scott. Scott slowly stepped over the him and got into his view.

"If you want to talk about it I'm all ears." Stiles could hear Scott heartbeat as well which was going faster then normal. Stiles felt tears streaming down his checks and saw Scott going blurry. Stiles pulled himself into a cross legged position. He could smell all three of them, the smell of their burned rotted corpse, but really the smell of them before that which permeated the entire place. He turned to Scott.

"How did they die?" Scott may have told him, but whenever Scott had started talking about this or trying to get him to talk before Stiles tended to tune Scott out.

"I killed them and I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Scott said adamantly and Stiles nodded. He climbed up slowly to his feet and looked around the backyard. It was a normal looking backyard with lounge chairs, a grill and even a pool. It looked like a normal house, not like they had a kid locked up in their basement that they treated worse they would have a dog, just because his father had done his job. The normalness seemed to make the entire thing even worse. He didn't want to cry anymore but he didn't want to hide completely, so he figured a good compromise was letting his wolf take over somewhat, if only for a little bit.

Scott's POV

Stiles eyes flashed gold and his claws came out. Scott tensed and wondered if Stiles was going to be violent or not. However Stiles just seemed to sniff in their direction and then turn around and started moving. Scott looked to Derek and saw Issac doing the same.

"Is this...is this normal?"

"I don't know," Derek said with a shrug and stared following Stiles. Scott and Issac used a little of their werewolf speed to catch up since Stiles was only going at human speed at the moment. Stiles had moved into a different room and was sniffing loudly again, he was looking for something, although who knew what Stiles's wolf was looking for. Stiles started moving slowly again and Scott stopped momentarily realizing where Stiles was heading, it had taken him this long to figure it out because the last he had been inside these walls he had been setting fire to it.

"He's going to where they kept him." Scott said aloud. Derek and Issac turned to him but Stiles just ignored him and continued sniffing around.

"Should we try to snap him out of it?" Scott asked. He was worried about the damage to Stiles mind if they went into the room where the events that had caused him withdraw in his mind had happened in the first place. Derek paused for a long moment then said.

"Let's let it play out a little longer." Derek answered. Scott hoped he was right, he didn't want to deal with another 3 weeks of Stiles staring right through him. He was also pretty sure that wasn't a very healthy state of mind to be in. He followed Stiles into the room and watched Stiles golden eyes stare around the room unblinking. He really wished at the moment he could read minds, that way he was know if he should be getting Stiles out of here or if this was helpful. He kind of doubted this was helpful. How in the world could it be?

Stiles slowly made his way to the one of the walls ash covered walls and put the palm of his hand on the wall. He run his hand lightly down the wall, Scott felt like throwing up too as some of the ash was removed and Scott found himself staring at two letters and knew what that meant. It was the letters from his nightmare. He worked hard for a long moment to avoid throwing up, then focused back on Stiles. Stiles was brushing off the rest of the ash off the wall, some spots on the wall were burned off, leaving only a few odd letters but Scott was well aware of what it used to say.

_Dad will save me _

_Scott will save me_

_Scott and Dad will save me. _

_I'll be home soon. _

Stiles then used started slashing at the remaining letters with his claws. He slashed them again and again and again until if Scott hadn't already known the words that used to be there he wouldn't have any idea now. Scott stepped forward without even realizing it, Stiles was his best friend he wanted to help him. Stiles kept slashing and slashing at the words even though he was getting more into the wall at this point then anything else. At the rate he was going he was going to claw his way through the wall. Which was probably okay because he doubted that the electrical in this place was still on, so there was probably no risk of electrical shock. He caught sight of Stiles claws the fleshy part of his claws were bleeding. He wanted to go to him to hug him, or to make him stop slashing at the wall but he didn't. Stiles fingers would heal and he had a feeling that this was very important for Stiles. so he didn't pull Stiles away and instead watched him dig deeper and deeper into the wall. He instead felt a few tears slipping down his checks as he watched the scene in front of him.

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